


Hit Me Like a Lightning

by ChickenXD



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Character Death In Dream, Dissociation, Family Bonding, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mystery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-08 05:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12248388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: Robert suddenly falls into a coma and wakes up having forgotten everything – now it's up to Val to take care of him and rebuild their relationship.But she's blissfully unaware of what happened to her father.It's a fresh new start for him, but the past seems to keep coming back to haunt him.Make it stop. How does he make it stop? He doesn't want to think about it anymore.Everything is fine. Everything is fine. There's no need to remember.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Valerie Small speaking."  
>  _"Good afternoon. I'm Detective Saul Graves from the Maple Bay Police Department."_  
>  "You got the wrong number, sir, have a good–"  
>  _"Your father, Robert Small, got admitted to the hospital last night."_
> 
> Val hasn't been home in a long time.

“Nervous?”

“What?” Val shot back, “Nope.”

“Come on, girl, you need to be a better liar than that.”

“I said I’m fine,” Val insists, and Irene could only sigh at her persistence. 

“Fine, I guess, if you say so.”

“I’m fine,” Val sighs – at this point it’s almost like she’s not trying to convince Irene, but rather trying to convince herself. 

Is she nervous? 

Well, of fucking course. She hasn’t heard about Robert… ‘pappy’, for a few years now – it’s not like she’s forgotten about him, although she would guess he’s forgotten about her…

And suddenly just two days ago she got a call from the police department, telling her it’s an emergency and she needs to come back to Maple Bay as soon as possible. Detective Saul Graves, if she remembers correctly, was the one on the phone.

...he wouldn’t tell her what happened though, which just makes her even more nervous. She had to delay all her projects and clear her schedule, then buy the first train ticket she could get her hands on…

“He can’t be dead, Val,” Irene said, “Or else they would’ve told you over the phone.”

“Thanks,” Val sighs, “That’s very reassuring.” 

Irene had insisted on coming along. Val realized they’ve never met before, and thought about going alone – if something bad happened to Robert, she wouldn’t want Irene to get dragged into it. But at the same time, Irene also watched her have a breakdown after receiving the call – of course she was worried as well.

Irene pulls Val into a hug and kisses her cheek. 

“He’ll be fine,” Irene said, gently running her fingers through Val’s hair, “Don’t be so stressed, babe.”

“It’s just…” Val sighs, “I don’t know what to expect, you know. I haven’t talked to him in years, and this is the first news I get. Also he’s nothing like your dad, Irene. Your dad’s nice and caring – meanwhile Robert like, drinks all the time, getting into trouble all the time…”

“He’s not dead, Val, or they would’ve told you.”

“I know, it’s just…” 

“Okay, okay, let’s not talk about it,” Irene said, “Just calm down. We’ll arrive there in another hour anyway, right?”

Val sighs as she rests her head on Irene’s shoulder, and takes her hand. Irene uses her free hand to continue petting Val’s hair.

Maybe it’s good to have her here, too – at least she’ll have a shoulder to cry on.

“...sorry,” Val muttered quietly, “You had to cancel all your stuff for this.”

“Oh, come on, it’s just like, a couple photoshoots,” she replied, “My girlfriend’s emotional well-being is more important than some old white dude’s winter collection.”

  
  


After an hour that drags on like eternity, they arrive, and Val quickly gets off the train, carrying her suitcase and dragging Irene behind her as they walk through the mostly empty crowd. It’s pretty late at night, so not a lot of people are hanging around the train station. Val looks around the train station – there’s a few passengers waiting for their train, but other than that there are just a few workers and janitors.

There really isn’t time for any nostalgia, but she can’t help but wonder when was the last time she was here. 

Robert was with her. He was the one carrying her luggage, if she remembers correctly…

Right, she was leaving for college, and he was helping her. 

Ahh, she hasn’t been here in so long. Her home has always been Brooklyn after all, and Maple Bay is just… tainted with bad memories. That of her mother’s death and Robert’s subsequent relapse into alcoholism, mostly... 

Yeah, Maple Bay is where her family really came undone. Maybe that’s why she hates the thought of coming back.

 

“Do you know where you’re going, Val?”

“Not really,” Val replied, “We need to rent a car first too. And then I guess I’ll call that detective, ask him where he is and where we should…”

“Ms. Small?”

Irene turns to the voice calling her name, and sees a big man standing behind the ticket area. He’s got a big build and bushy beard, a scar across his left eye – 

Val feels Irene hide behind her as the man approaches them. He can probably tell that they were scared, though, and quickly took something out of his pocket.

“I’m Detective Saul Graves. I called you the other day about your father.”

He shows her his badge. Val can’t really take whether or not it’s real at this point – she looks up at him, studying his face – he definitely looks suspicious by her standards.

“Anyone can be claim to be a detective,” she replied, “Why the fuck should I trust you?”

He seems slightly taken aback by her reaction, but then smiles and nods. 

“I see your father’s taught you well.”

“Yeah, so you got anything to prove yourself?” she asks, “I’m kind of in a hurry here.”

“Val,” Irene whispers, “You don’t think he’s legit?”

“I’d like to not die on my first night here.”

Irene shrinks back, “I guess you’re right.”

But at the same time, he does seem pretty trustworthy. He could show a badge with his name and all, and he does sound like the guy on the phone the other day, although Val might just remember it wrong… but it’s not like they have any better lead than to follow this guy anyway. Val doesn’t even know which hospital she should go to.

“You know what, tell me the name of the dog and you’ll pass.”

“Betsy,” Saul replies immediately, “She’s a small black and white Boston terrier, your dad put a red collar on her.”

“Good enough,” Val sighs, “Where’s she?”

“The neighbor is currently taking care of her,” Saul replied, “Mr. Bloodmarch, maybe you’ve heard of him?”

Val shakes her head.

“I can give you two a ride to the hospital if you don’t mind, Ms. Small,” Saul replied as he turns to look at Irene – “Sorry if I scared you too, miss.”

“You can just call me Val,” Val replies, “And this is my girlfriend, Irene.”

Saul smiles warmly to her, “Nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” Irene greets with a nervous smile, “Thank you, sir.”

  
  


They both put their suitcases in the trunk before getting into the car. Val sits on the passenger seat next to Saul while Irene decides to sit in the back.

Saul drives steadily through the quiet streets of town. Val looks out of the window, slowly drinking in the sights–

She hasn’t been here for a long time, so she can’t really tell if anything has changed or not ever since she was last here. Not like it matters – she’s not going to move back here anytime soon.

“So, if I may ask,” Saul began, “How long have you two been in this relationship?”

“I’d say about a year and a half, give or take,” Val replied, and Irene nods in agreement.

“Do you work in the same company?”

“Not really,” Val replied, “I work for an entertainment magazine, and Irene’s a model, so I guess we kinda met that way. But we don’t work together or anything.”

Saul nods slowly, “I see.”

“I don’t know how much Robert told you about me.”

“Not a lot,” Saul replied, “It just doesn’t come up in conversation, I suppose.”

“How long have you known him?”

“A few months,” Saul replied, “Sometimes I drive him home from the bar.”

“Were you the one who found him?”

“No. It was Mr. Bloodmarch,” Saul replied, “He heard Betsy barking in distress, and went over to make sure everything is okay – and he just found Robert collapsed on the floor.”

Val nods and sinks into her seat. She turns to look at Saul, who just seems as calm as he was before –

Maybe it’s because he’s a policeman, he’s used to seeing things like this happening all the time. 

“The doctor hasn’t determined the cause yet,” Saul replied, “He’s been unconscious for three days now, I hope they find out soon.”

“So basically you guys called me here to make sure I get to see him before he dies or something?”

Saul doesn’t answer that.

 

Doesn’t know how to feel.

It’s not like Robert has talked to her for… years. He doesn’t even know about Irene – he’s as out of touch as a dad could be with his child.

He’s also the last family she has, though. 

“Do you know he’s sick or something? Like a stroke?”

“I’m not aware of Robert having any illnesses, and so far the doctor hasn’t identified anything. He wasn’t assaulted or anything either, and there are no signs of poisoning.”

Val nods and sinks back into her seat.

 

“Hello, Damien.”

“Oh!” Damien turns around as he sees Saul walk through the door with two other women she doesn’t know. He smiles and quickly walks over to them.

“This is Valerie, and her girlfriend Irene,” Saul introduced quickly.

“Nice to meet you!” Damien replied as he bows down. Val and Irene seemed pretty surprised at this greeting – Val extends her hand for a handshake afterwards, and Damien shakes her hand firmly.

“It’s such a pleasure to see you in person!” Damien said, “All I’ve ever seen of you is from Robert’s baby pictures.”

“What…”

“Oh, I’d like to see them sometime too,” Irene teases. 

 

“Unfortunately, I don’t think they will allow anyone to visit at this hour,” Damien said, “We were both accompanying Robert in the room, but shortly after Saul left for the station, the nurses told me to leave, so as to not disturb him.”

“I guess it’ll have to be tomorrow, then.”

Val looks into the room from the small window in the door – she can see Robert lying on the bed, pipes going in and out of his arm and an oxygen mask on his face. 

This just isn’t something Val could ever imagine happening to him. Yes he’s always reckless, and she’d known that would one day lead to his death, but… not like this. 

What if Saul hasn’t called her the other day, and she just finds out after Robert’s gone? Will she still feel sad? More sad? Or just accept it as a fact, go to the funeral service, and move on?

 

...well, the fact is that she still came here at the first sign of alarm. 

Maybe she still somewhat cares, despite everything.

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Can’t sleep.

Val sighs as she rolls in her bed for what feels like… the thousandth time. 

Damien’s very kindly offered for them to stay at his house, so they decided to take him up on the offer. Plus he’s supposedly taking care of Betsy, so Val figured she can help watch over her.

Can’t sleep. 

Not because the bed is uncomfortable or anything – if anything, it’s better than her bed back home. 

She’s just… having a lot of thoughts. 

Maybe she  _ is _ scared of Robert dying. She can’t understand why, though – 

It’s not like she means anything to him. Why does she even care?

 

Irene’s fast asleep, and honestly, Val can understand. She’s tired from the whole trip as well, and tired from thinking so much about all this – but her body just refuses to go to sleep for some reason. It’s almost 7:30 AM at this point and all she’s managed to do was have one hour intervals where she’d fall asleep, then abruptly wake back up.

She sighs as she crawls out of bed, careful not to wake Irene up. Might as well get out of the room and see if Damien is up.

 

Damien sure turns out to be a very interesting person. She already knew this when they stepped into the house yesterday, and it feels like she’s in a museum or something. All the antique paintings and decor around the house… Damien, with his unique goth style, fits in perfectly. 

Damien told her his wife died three-four years ago, and he has a son, but she hasn’t seen him around yet. Maybe he was already asleep when they arrived yesterday.

 

Val walks downstairs, and finds Damien in the kitchen. 

He’s not in his goth vampire outfit – his long hair is tied into a messy bun and he’s just wearing an oversized black t-shirt and shorts; his hair is down and a little messy, and he seems to be cooking breakfast. He seems surprised (and a little embarrassed?) to see her walk in–

“Ah, good morning, Valerie!” He greets with a sheepish smile, “Well, uh… this sure is unsightly of me…”

“It’s fine,” Val replied. She’s sure she looks like a mess, too.

“I should go get changed…”

“Oh, please don’t worry about it,” Valerie said, “We’re all a different person before we have our morning coffee.”

“I see…” She can still see Damien blushing brightly, “I… I suppose you’re right.”

“I see you didn’t sleep very well last night.”

Val just sighs and nods – there’s no need to hide it from him, right? 

“I understand,” Damien replied with a smile, “This must be a difficult situation for you, too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s perfectly fine,” he replied as he went back to cooking his eggs, “That’s just how life is. Bad things happen, but they will pass, eventually.”

Val nods slowly. She turns back to watching Damien cooking – he seems to have some toast cooking in another pan too. 

“Do you need help making breakfast?”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you!” Damien replied, “But please, you’re the guest in this house. Allow me to be serve you breakfast. Take a seat, take a seat.”

“Thank you.”

Damien sure is nice, Val thinks to herself as she sits down.

“Would you prefer coffee or tea?”

“Coffee would be nice.”

Damien finishes cooking his eggs and turns his attention to the stovetop water kettle – it’s the old fashioned kind, with colorful flowers painted on the body of the kettle. Surprisingly, for how vintage everything in the house seems, Damien does use an electric coffee grinder and coffee filter – he pours some ground coffee on the filter, and pours some hot water over it.

“My girlfriend really digs your style, by the way.”

“Oh, thank you!” Damien replied, “Is she into the Victorian era as well?”

“She’s a model, so she’s just… kind of into everything, you know.”

“That’s quite nice, to be able to appreciate every style and culture.” Damien nods happily, “I’m happy for her.”

Soon enough the coffee is done, and Damien serves it for her along with a small jar of sugar cubes and a creamer. She can see that Damien has his own cup of coffee, too.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you had this relationship with Irene?”

“About a year and a half.”

“Does Robert know?”

Val shrugs, “We don’t really talk, so no.”

“I’m sure he’ll be pleased to see you in such a wholesome, happy relationship.”

“Yeah…”

If he ever actually wakes up, a voice said in Val’s mind. She’s spent the whole night trying to get rid of them – 

No, Robert will surely be okay and he’ll be back to health soon, he’s always recovered from whatever sickness he has – 

But he’s getting old, too, and he hasn’t been watching his health, he’s been drinking a lot, what if this is it for him? People die from sudden heart attacks all the time, even those who seem healthy…

 

“Say, you saw what happened, right?”

“Uh…” Damien sighs, “I… can’t exactly say that. 

“That night I was just at home after work, and I was in the backyard watering my plants when I heard Betsy barking a lot. She usually pretty quiet, so I immediately thought something must have happened, and went over to check…

“And Robert’s lying on the floor,” Damien recounts, “I thought it was alcohol intoxication again, so I called 911.”

“But it’s not?”

“That’s what the doctor said,” Damien sighs, “He said there is alcohol in his blood, but not at a level that would be dangerous, so I’m not too sure what happened. They don’t see any signs of stroke in the brain scans either…”

Damien notices that Val is looking down sadly at her coffee. He quickly gets up and walks over to hug her. 

“This must be especially difficult for you,” Damien said, “But Saul and I are here for you, okay? We’ll do everything in our power to help.”

“...thank you, Mr. Bloodmarch.”

 

Val notices someone walk into the dining room. It’s a teenage boy with silver half-shaved head, and several piercings in his face – he seems surprised to see Val.

“Oh, good morning, Lucien!”

“...good morning?”

“This is Valerie,” Damien introduced, “She’s Robert’s daughter.”

“Cool,” Lucien shrugged, “Never knew he had kids.”

“And this is Lucien, my son,” Damien introduced to Val – Val gets up to offer her hand to Lucien, and he reluctantly shakes her hand.

“You can just call me Val,” she said, in an attempt to appear friendlier, but he just shrugs again. Kind of reminds Val of herself when she was in high school… 

“I made you some toast and eggs, son.”

“...thanks.”

  
  


Val finishes drinking her coffee, then gets up from her chair.

“I think I’ll take a walk.”

“That’s a good idea!” Damien said, “You haven’t been here for a long time after all, and some fresh air might calm the nerves.”

“I think I’ll take Betsy with me, too.”

“Of course,” Damien replied, “She’s in the garage. Her food is there too.”

  
  


Maple Bay hasn’t changed much from what she remembers… although she can’t say she remembers much.

It’s a nice change of pace. Brooklyn is a big city after all – there’s always a lot of people and a lot of cars everywhere, it’s always busy and buzzing with energy, almost like a panic –

It’s been a while since she’s walked down the street alone alone at 8 AM. It’s very calming…

She still can’t say she likes Maple Bay, though. She was born in Brooklyn and spent a good chunk of her childhood there, and now that she’s moved back there she’s just gotten used to it. Maybe it’d be good for her to come to Maple Bay for… say, a week or two, but she can’t really picture herself living here again.

...and Irene wouldn’t like this place too. She’s even more of a city girl than Val is.

It’s pretty neat that Robert lives near a beach now and all, although she can’t say he’s the kind to talk long walks at the beach, but…

...it feels lonely. 

 

Now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t really know what’s going on with Robert up until now. After her mum died she’s basically avoided talking to him altogether – and he did try to reach out to her, she just… decided to ignore it, and he stopped at some point.

Does that make her a bad daughter? 

She knows he has his own problems, and decided to look away. Fuck, if none of this had happened, or if Saul and Damien had decided not to tell her, he could have died and she wouldn’t know, just… continue doing whatever she’s doing back in Brooklyn.

Her mum wouldn’t approve of her doing all this. She’s always been the one working to keep Robert in line, and Val knows she’s supposed to continue doing that, but…

Maybe it’s spite. Feeling like Robert’s abandoned her, and now she’s abandoned him in return. Some people call it karma, or something…

 

Val snaps out of her thoughts as Betsy barks at her. Turns out she’s decided to… take a shit under the tree. Val sighs as she takes out her plastic bag to pick it up.

“This is why I don’t have pets at home.”

“Boof!”

  
  


Saul’s still sitting on the bench in front of the room when Val and Irene arrive at the hospital. 

“Good morning, detective.”

“Oh,” Saul looks up at them, “Good morning.”

“Were you here all night?”

“No, I just… got hee,” Saul replied, “Decided to stop by here before I go to work.”

Val nods as she sits down next to him. He was reading some papers, but as soon as Val sits next to him he quickly puts them away.

Now that she’s getting a chance to observe him closer, Val can’t help but notice how tired he looks. It’s probably nothing unusual – a detective is probably busy all the time, after all.

“You look like you need some coffee too, detective,” Val remarks, “Should I get you some from the vending machine?”

“No, please, I’m fine,” Saul replied with a little laugh, “Caffeine is something we never run out of in the office.”

Saul suddenly shoves all his papers into his bag and gets up. 

“Well, it was nice to see you, ladies,” Saul said, “I suppose I should get going.”

“You’re not going to see Robert?”

“I just came here to see if the doctor’s found anything new,” Saul replied, “You know, for the investigation.”

Val nods. That sounds… acceptable, although for some reason she thought the doctor would just tell Saul immediately if there’s a new development… maybe that’s not how it works?

“If you don’t mind, too, Valerie, I’d… like to ask you a few questions,” Saul said, “Maybe we can talk about it over lunch tomorrow?”

“It’s not like I’ll have a lot of work to do while I’m here anyway.”

“Perfect.” Saul nods to himself, “Think of somewhere you want to go to, alright? You haven’t been here for a while after all.”

“Sure, thank you.”

“I’ll see you ladies later,” Saul said as he turns to leave.

 

The nurse lets them in soon after Saul leaves.

 

“Hi, Val’s dad…”

Irene sits down next to the bed and smiles as she looks at Robert’s face.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Val’s girlfriend, Irene Wang.” She turns to look at Val, “Maybe Val’s told you about me…”

“Irene, the fuck are you doing?”

“Well, maybe he can hear us,” Irene said, “You two do look alike. Now I know where those good genes come from.”

Val can’t help but smile at that.

 

It still feels so strange to see Robert in this state – weak and helpless. 

Oh, god, it’s worse than she thought it would be. 

It’s like… he’s here, but at the same time he’s not. Nobody can tell what’s going to happen, whether or not he’s going to ever wake up again. 

SOmething else Val realizes is that she… she does miss him. 

Maybe it’s just because they’re in the same room, maybe it’s the circumstances, maybe it’s her fear that he’s going to die. But it all just suddenly came back to her – Robert does have his fair share of problems, and he never really fixed them –

But that doesn’t mean he didn’t try, right? 

That’s the reason they moved to Maple bay in the first place – trying to get away from the city, from the alcohol, from the temptations…

Maybe these are just… sentimental thoughts. Kind of like thinking fondly of an ex, and then being reminded of how horrible they are when you meet them again. 

Maybe Robert will wake up soon, and Val will go back to hating him in five minutes.

  
  
  



	3. Why don't you come on over, Valerie

It’s time to wake up now.

  
  


“It’ll be lonely after Val’s gone off to college, huh?”

“...yeah.”

Marilyn takes out a cigarette and lights it. She offers one to Robert, who shakes his head.

She takes a long drag and slowly blows the smoke into the air. Robert smiles – Marilyn looks so pretty when she does that, smoke slowly flowing out of her pursed lips into the air, diffusing around him. 

“Are you sad?”

“It’s not really time for that yet, is it,” Robert replies, “I mean, we got another year or so. And I don’t remember my dad making a big deal when I left home, too.”

“I just can’t believe it, you know?” she sighs, “Feels like it was just yesterday that she was learning to talk. Time sure flies…”

“She’s now almost taller than you, huh?”

“And with a lot more teenage angst.”

“That, too,” Robert said, “She’s learnt to hate me.”

She sighs, “Robert…”

“Come on, don’t act like it’s not true,” Robert said, “You’re the only motherfucker in town who can handle me, Marilyn.”

She can’t help but smile at that.

“Honestly, though, if I’m not watching you, you’d get yourself killed immediately one of these days.”

He nods in agreement as he wraps his arm around her shoulder, and kisses her forehead. 

“Love you.”

“Oh, geez.”

“Anyway, back to Val,” Robert said, “We’ll pretty much be free after she’s gone off to college. You wanna go somewhere?”

“Oh, yeah! I was thinking we should do something fun.”

“Start a small weed shop?”

She smiles, “Not a bad idea, actually. I should learn how to grow them.”

“We have that big yard anyway, might as well get something out of them, huh?”

 

Do you remember, what it is you’re trying to run away from?

Got nothing else left to lose.

Gotten used to taking things from others. Now everything has been taken away from you, too.

Everything feels meaningless. Void.

No better, worse.

No change, pain.

 

It’s time to come back now.

Got nothing else left to lose. 

Done hid the wounds for years now. Nobody understands the pain anyway. 

Days passing without meaning. What good is a life like that?

  
  


Where did things go so wrong? 

 

~•~

It’s so bright in here. 

It’s warm, and… pretty nice, actually, except for the stupid bright light right above his head. He closes his eyes again, returning to the darkness. Ahh, that’s much better…

Slowly opens his eyes again, wary of the bright light assaulting his visual sensors. They seem… a lot more tolerable this time, actually. 

He feels pain. Where is it from? 

It’s on his body, on his arm. There’s something going into it… a plastic tube, but it can bend. Maybe that’s why it hurts? He should take it out then…

He tugs on the pipe to try to pull it out of his arm, but instead he feels a sharper pain throughout his arm. Maybe trying to take that out wasn’t a good idea after all–

But at least the pipe is out of his arm. So it should stop hurting now–

“Mr. Small?”

He quickly turns to the voice. Are they calling him?

There’s a lady in a white coat just by the door, looking at him in surprise and horror. As he looks at his own arm that has thankfully stopped hurting–

There’s… a lot of blood coming out of it. 

“No, no no no.” She quickly walks over, pulls out the drawer next to his bed with some alcohol and gauze. 

She wipes the blood off his arm – the cloth feels cool as it touches his arm, but as it brushes against where the pipes were, the sharp pain is back. He instinctively pulls his arm back –

“Mr. Small, we have to stop the blood,” she said patiently, “I know it hurts, but soon it will stop bleeding and it won’t hurt anymore, okay?”

“Who are you?”

“I’m… your doctor. My name is Evelyn–”

“Doctor?” he asks, “Where am I?”

“Mr. Small, this is the Maple Bay Central Hospital,” she explains, “You fell unconscious in your house a few days ago, but your neighbor found you and so you were brought here. You’ve been unconscious for three days now–”

Definitely. She can see from his facial expression that he’s confused, terrified, and surprised all at the same time. But it’s normal – people wake up disoriented from a really long sleep. This isn’t new. 

“Please extend your arm, sir, so I can take care of your wound.”

He seems reluctant. Fair enough – this must all be overwhelming for him. But she really does need to take care of this, because while he’s been careful when pulling the IV out, his arm is still bleeding. 

“It won’t hurt after I wipe it down a few times and dress it up.”

This seems to convince him, so he slowly extends his arm. 

“It will hurt a little, and after that it shouldn’t hurt anymore, okay?” she replied as she gently cleans his wound – he hisses through gritted teeth from the pain as the alcohol brushes against his fresh wound.

Soon enough, though, she dresses it up with some bandages. He watches her every move carefully, with suspect. 

“Your daughter is here to see you,” she said, “Please give me a minute so I can call her.”

“My daughter?”

The doctor nods, “Yes, she’s come here from out of town.”

“Daughter…”

He seems even more confused now, and just stares blankly at her. 

“Your daughter,” the doctor repeated slowly, “She’s come to see you…”

“Who?”

 

“...do you remember your name, sir?”

“Small,” he replied, “That’s what you called me.”

“Correct.” She nods with a smile, “And your first name, sir?”

“My name…”

He tries to think. 

All of this is… very confusing. He has no idea how he wound up here, in the hospital. 

Tries to think, but his mind just draws to a blank. 

 

“I… I don’t know.”

How can he remember how he got here, if he can’t even remember who he is? 

Feels like everything has been erased from his mind. 

 

The doctor leaves, to his relief. He looks at his arm that was bleeding earlier – 

The doctor’s right, it doesn’t hurt anymore. And she’s wrapped it so nicely with a white cloth…

 

Someone else enters the room, and he quickly looks up.

It’s not the doctor this time – but a girl with long, black hair, nicely tied into a braid. She seems like a nice girl – she’s wearing a white sweater and jeans, and a pair of sunglasses rest on top of her head. She’s pretty, he thinks.

She smiles at him, but she seems worried.

 

“Hello.”

“Hey,” she replied, “How are you feeling?”

“Just fine,” he replied, “My arm was bleeding earlier, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

She walks over and sits on the edge of his bed. He flinches back a little – she sure acts awfully familiar although they’ve never met before… 

“Uh…”

“You feel just fine?” she asks, “Your head doesn’t hurt or anything, right? You don’t feel dizzy?

He shakes his head slowly, “No…”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Sorry, but are you… also a doctor?”

“No,” she replied matter-of-factly, “You know, I’m just worried. You’ve been asleep for days now.”

Right, the doctor said that, too. 

“Are you a nurse, then?”

“No, I’m… I work for a magazine, sort of as an editor.”

“That sounds cool.”

She nods, “It’s pretty exciting, yeah.”

“So… thank you for coming to visit me,” he said, “Uh… what’s your name again?”

She looks up at him, but something in her expression has changed – she’s smiling, but he can see the tears welling up in her eyes…

She swiftly wipes it away, as if she doesn’t want him to notice.

“I’m Valerie,” she said, “Nice to meet you. You can just call me Val.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (title obviously inspired from the Amy Winehouse song Valerie,


	4. Chapter 4

Still trying to process what happened. 

She was happy for a second when the doctor called to tell her Robert’s woken up – with the unfortunate side effect of what seems to be retrograde amnesia. 

“He’s probably very confused and scared,” she was told, “I know it may be difficult, but try not to overwhelm him with information.”

“Is this… going to be permanent?”

“I don’t know,” the doctor replied, “Maybe it’ll take a few days, maybe months, maybe years. Amnesia is quite rare and it’s different for everyone.”

  
  


Feels so strange to see him like that. Just… so clueless, helpless, innocent.

A blank slate, like everything has been wiped from his mind. 

Shit, how would he remember Val if he can’t even remember his own name?

Feels like she’s lost him, although he’s still here, still alive. 

 

Irene sits down next to Val and hands her a cup of coffee. Val takes it gratefully and drinks from it quickly. 

“You okay?”

“I… don’t know, honestly.”

Irene leans in and wraps her arms around Val’s shoulders. Val hugs her back and buries her face in Irene’s chest, trying to hold back her tears–

She hasn’t been home in a long time, and just came back to find that… somehow, she’s all alone. 

“Sorry, I’m… I’m such a mess right now.”

“I’m here for you, babe.”

“I just… I don’t know what to do,” Val sobbed, “Like… like what are you supposed to do in this situation anyway? Is he gonna ever return to the way he was?”

“You’ve got to help him, Val,” Irene said, “If anyone can help him get through this, it’s you.”

Irene’s right, but it just feels… so daunting. 

If anyone’s going to help Robert at this point, it has to be her. There’s literally nobody else in the family who’s been in touch with him – as far as she knows, his relationship with his family hasn’t exactly been good, either.

But how is she even going to do it? She’s never faced anything like this before – everything is just so… uncertain, and terrifying.

“You’ll figure it out, one way or another,” Irene said, gently petting Val’s head, “And i’m here to help you, okay? You’re not alone in this.”

“Can I really…?”

Irene smiles reassuringly and nods. 

  
  


“Mary, the doctor said we can’t–”

“To hell with that! I have to make sure my boy Robert is okay!”

Val quickly looks up as she hears people arguing down the hallway. It seems to be coming from a middle-aged lady with brown hair and… a blonde man Val can only assume to be her friend. Husband, maybe? 

Damien hurriedly walks up from behind them.

“Mary, come on, I’m worried, too,” Damien told her, “But they haven’t let me in either. So far only Valerie’s gone in to see him…”

“So it’s been days since we have no fucking idea what happened to him, and now you expect me to sit here and not see him?” 

“Please, Mary, you have to think about Robert, too,” the blonde man said – “I’m sure he’s still recovering. It’s best to let him rest–”

“Look, boys, I’ll just go in for five seconds to make sure he’s alive,” she argued, “I won’t even say anything. I just need to confirm that he’s doing okay.”

Val and Irene just sit there, watching. Clearly they’re talking about Robert, but Val isn’t too sure what to do either…

Damien seems to know these people, though. Maybe they’re just Robert’s friends? 

Val slowly gets up and walks towards them – Irene quickly follows her, too.

 

“Oh, Valerie…”

Damien walks over to her with a concerned look in his face. This makes Val wonder if she looks like a wreck – which she probably does. The couple stop arguing, too, and turn their attention to her.

“Hi,” Valerie said – she notices her voice is slightly coarse, so she just coughs to clear her throat. 

Take two.

“Hey.”

“Is everything okay?” Damien asks, “How’s Robert doing?”

“He seems… fine. Conscious, clearly aware of his surroundings,” she replied, “It’s just that he seems to have… forgotten everything?”

Val can tell that this information brings surprise to all three of them. Understandable – she’s still struggling to deal with it herself...

“The doctor said it might be shock. Give him a few days to remember, maybe,” she said, “I… sure hope that’s true.”

“What do you mean he forgot everything?” the lady immediately presses – “But is he healthy? It’s not a stroke or–”

Damien gently places a hand on her shoulder, signaling her to stop. She turns to look at him, then back to Val with a sigh. Irene’s pouting slightly, but glaring at her.

“I’m sorry,” Damien said, “Val, Irene, this is Mary and her husband, Joseph.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry about what happened,” Joseph said, “This must be especially tough for you…”

“I mean, I guess he’s not dead or anything,” Val sighs, “Thank you for your concern.

“Sorry. Do I look like a mess?”

“You look very pale,” Damien remarks.

“I mean, that’s only appropriate after your dad doesn’t recognize you, I guess.”

“You must be tired,” Damien said, “Should we get you coffee or something?”

“I’m fine–”

“Yeah,” Irene butts in, “Come on, Val. Let’s go to the Starbucks downstairs. You need to take a break.”

“But I want to stay here–”

“That would be a good idea,” Joseph adds, “I understand you must still be worried, but it’s not like they’ll let you back into the room. Maybe a little fresh air can calm you down, so you don’t stress out too much.”

Irene seems happy to have Damien and Joseph supporting her. Val just sighs… seems like there’s no way out of this one. 

  
  


“It’s been such a long time since we last saw you!”

Val just forces a smile. Joseph claims that they were neighbors, because Joseph had been there even before they moved in – which is probably true, but Val didn’t really care about the neighbors back then (or even now). She can’t even remember if she ever talked to them. 

“So clearly you like Brooklyn a lot more than here, huh?”

“Well, it is home,” Val said, “And I guess I just like the city better.”

“Of course, you’re still young after all,” he said, “You still have a lot of energy and ambition, still want to work on a lot of things – maybe as you grow older, when you want that peace and quiet, you come back here, you know?”

Val smiles and nods, but inside she’s thinking, “Fuck no.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said.

“Thank you so much for your concern for my dad, though.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” Mary chimes in, “We’ve known each other forever anyway.”

Really? Cause if that’s the case, Val felt like she would immediately know Mary…

...but Robert doesn’t usually introduce his friends to her anyway, just to her mum.

Mary turns to Irene, “How long have you two been together?”

“Just about a year and a half,” Irene replied.

“It’s very kind of you to come along,” Joseph said with a smile. 

“Oh, I mean, of course I wouldn’t let her go alone,” Irene said, “I’d be calling her every hour, both because I miss her and because I’m worried.”

Val just sighs, “We both know you’d be too busy for that.”

 

Just around then, Val notices a familiar figure walking outside the cafe–

It’s Saul. He doesn’t seem to notice them in the cafe, and just continues to walk hurriedly inside. 

Val considers calling him over – but then decides not to. 

“What’s wrong, Val?”

“Oh…” She turns to Joseph with a smile, “Nothing, just… kind of spaced out. I haven’t slept much…”

“We understand you’re worried, but remember to take care of yourself too, okay?” Joseph advised, “The worst part is over now, but you still need to take care of Robert. He’ll need you.”

“I know,” Val sighs, “Thank you for your concern, Mr. Christiansen.”

  
  


Saul’s not sure why he came here.

...no, he knows damn well why. It’s because Damien texted him, telling him Robert’s woken up. 

He knows he probably shouldn’t be here. 

If anything, everything that’s happened has been his fault. Saul doesn’t even know how he could look Val in the eyes and pretend he has nothing to do with this. 

This must be a warning. Both for him and for Robert. 

But despite everything, he still… wants to see Robert. Wants to make sure he’s okay…

 

“Mr. Graves?”

Saul turns to the voice and sees the doctor walking to him. 

“Hello, Dr. Brown.”

“I strongly discourage you from visiting Mr. Small,” she said, “He seems to have lost his memories.”

Saul feels his heart sink as he hears that. 

“I suppose it’s shock, especially after a traumatic event. Maybe it’ll come back to him in the next few days.”

Saul nervously bites his lower lip, as he nods. 

“Did Valerie talk to him?”

“Yes. He didn’t recognize her either.”

“I see…”

Saul finds himself… at loss as to what to do. This news definitely just rendered his trip pointless…

“I suppose I’ll take my leave, then.”

“I’m sorry about this, sir.”

  
  


Saul walks back down the hallway of the hospital as quickly as he could. He slides into the driver’s seat and shuts the door.

And then it’s… silent. Just him, alone, in this space. 

 

Everything feels like a blur. 

Definitely not what Saul’s expected. But then again nobody probably expected this to happen.

So Robert’s… forgotten everything.

Maybe it’s not all bad, Saul thinks to himself. Maybe along with it he’ll forget what happened to him, his traumas – 

And along with it, him.

Just… press reset on the computer, and now it’s a fresh start.

Maybe he can get better this way. Turn over a blank new leaf. Start fresh with Val, now that she’s here.

 

...no, this is all his fault. 

But are things so bad the way they are now? Maybe Saul’s just sad at the thought that he’ll be forgotten.

Surely it’s better for Robert to forget, and for him to… move on, pretend this never happened. 

Right?

 

He hears someone knock on his window. He takes his hand off his face to look–

Joseph’s standing outside, right beside his car.

Great, it’s just exactly who he wants to see at this time.

“Hi, detective!” he hears Joseph say through his window – ”You wanna join us inside for coffee?”

Saul doesn’t reply, and instead starts up his car. Joseph steps back as the machine revs to life – 

He swiftly pulls his car out of the parking lot and drives away, leaving Joseph behind.

  
  
  



	5. Kiss me hard before you go

“Robert?”

Saul stops his car right behind Robert, and quickly gets out. 

Robert’s standing behind the railing, on the outer edge of the bridge overlooking the river. He turns around as he hears someone calling him, and smiles as he sees it’s Saul.

“Hey, big guy.”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Robert replied – Saul notices he’s holding a cigarette between his fingers – “Just chillin’, you know?”

“Why on the outside?   
Saul can’t help but get pretty nervous as he looks down on Robert’s feet – so close to the edge, just one wrong step and he’ll fall into the water. Why does Robert do stupid dangerous things like this all the time?

“Ever heard of ‘live life on the edge’?”

“No, and frankly now that I hear it, I think it’s not a good philosophy,” Saul said, “Come on, I’ll help you get back to this side.”

Robert just shrugs, “I’m fine. You want a cig?”

“Robert–”

“Don’t be so nervous,” Robert sighs as he hands Saul a cigarette, “I’m not gonna jump or anything.”

Saul stares at him, but still takes the cigarette from his hand and places it between his lips. Is Robert just saying that now that Saul’s here?

“Here, I’ll light that for ya.”

Robert takes out a lighter, and Saul leans over to let Robert light it. Soon the paper and the tobacco starts to burn, and white smoke puffs up into the night sky.

Saul’s still pretty nervous about Robert’s position on the edge of the bridge – but Robert’s kept telling him to pay it no mind, so he decided to not fuss about it too much. Maybe in a bit he should try to convince Robert to not stand there, though – it’s dangerous.

“How was work today?”

“Fine, it’s mostly just going through records today.”

“Sounds boring.”

“More like tiring, since we couldn’t find what we were looking for,” Saul sighs, “It happens.

“And what about you? What have you been up to?”

“Me?” Robert shrugs, “Not much, really. Took Betsy to the park, stayed there for a couple of hours or so, then went home.”

“Have you eaten?”

Robert nods, “Went to Shake Shack. They’re okay, I guess.”

Saul smiles, “Seems to be a pretty good day for you, huh?”

“One foot in front of the other, I guess.”

“Did you have dinner?” Saul asks, “We can go get some now.”

“I wanna stay here a little longer, if you don’t mind.”

Robert turns to look at Saul, and suddenly grabs his tie. Saul leans in closer, slightly confused. Their faces are so close now, their foreheads touching. Saul can feel the cold metal railing pressing against his stomach – 

Robert chuckles as he takes the cigarette out of Saul’s mouth and throws it away.

“Can I kiss you, Saul?”

“Maybe if you come over to this side.”

“Maybe after you kiss me I’ll hop over.”

“...fine.”

He presses a kiss on Saul’s lips, and he feels Saul’s hand cupping his cheek, pulling him closer. 

Robert feels warm, and Saul can taste some of the bitterness of the smoke in his mouth. Saul watches as Robert closes his eyes, slowly savoring the kiss.

He feels distant. Maybe just because of the metal railing between them? 

Robert pulls away for a second, then kisses Saul again – this time his kiss is rough – feels rushed, frantic. 

  
  


“Okay, will you come here now?”

“In a second,” Robert said, “I’ll come back, don’t worry.”

Saul can’t say he’s surprised – but he still feels a little disappointed. But Robert will come back when he wants to, right?

Silence takes over for a few minutes. Robert looks down at the water under him, while Saul stares into the distance – the river leads into a forest, which looks pretty dark and creepy in the night, since there are no lights around… 

 

Suddenly Robert bends over, 

And immediately in Saul’s mind, he thought he was going to fall. As Saul looks down, he seems to have lifted one of his feet off the ground, like he was going to step over the edge–

 

“Robert!”

Saul quickly reaches his hand out to grab Robert’s arm – Robert seems surprised that Saul’s suddenly yelling at him. 

“What?”

“What are you doing?!”

“Oh, come on, big boy, calm down,” Robert said with a laugh, “I told you I’m not gonna jump. That was just a prank.”

“What–”

“I just wanted to see if you’d catch me with your good reflexes,” he said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Robert turns around carefully and steps his other foot back on the edge. 

“Hey, let me go,” he said, “I’m gonna climb back in.”

 

Saul doesn’t… quite know what to make of it. 

Robert… does stupid shit all the time, maybe. It’s not completely out of character for him to pull something like that on Saul. 

Maybe it’s fine? Maybe it really is just a prank. Robert sure seems to laugh it off pretty easily. It’s pretty hard to read what Robert’s thinking and whether or not he’s serious about… anything, really.

Robert’s back on Saul’s side in front of the railing now. He must have noticed how concerned Saul’s become, and smiles nervously.

“Hey man, sorry if that scared you.”

“I know you like to joke around sometimes, but maybe not like that, okay, Robert?” Saul asks, “What if I hadn’t caught your fall?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Saul said with a little smile, “Should I drive you home?”

“It’s cool. I’m just gonna take a walk around here,” Robert said, “You go home. You must be tired after a long day at work.”

“Are you sure?”

Robert nods as he turns to walk towards the other direction. 

“See you, Saul.”

~•~

“Hey, pops.”

“Hey,” Saul greets as he walks in, “How was your group project?”

“I’d say it went pretty well,” Barry said, “We made some progress.”

Saul notices a trifold poster on the living room table – he opens it, and notices that one side is mostly done, chock full of pictures and text – some scattered texts in the middle, and the other side is still empty. It looks like a presentation on the nervous system and all that stuff.

“Looks pretty good to me,” Saul remarks with a smile. 

“They’re coming over again tomorrow to finish it.”

Barry walks over and sits down on the couch next to Saul. 

“You seem real tired, pops,” he said, “Rough day at work?”

“Yeah, the usual,” Saul sighs. 

He can’t help but feel a little guilty towards Barry. Between his work and trying to take care of Robert, he ends up spending less time with Barry when he really should be the priority – what kind of dad doesn’t put his son first?

Saul sighs as he pets Barry’s head.

“Sorry, boy.”

“Come on, pops. You’ve been busy, I’ve been busy too – it just happens,” Barry said, “Like, it’s cool, really.”

“I still feel like I should spend more time with you.”

“That’s nice, pops,” Barry said, “But seriously. We just gotta do what we gotta do. Don’t feel bad about it.

“Anyway,” Barry went on before Saul could say anything else – “How’s Robert?”

Saul sighs deeply, “He’s fine, I guess. He woke up.”

“That’s good!” Barry exclaims, “So he can go home soon?”

“Yeah, but he’s got amnesia or some shit,” Saul explained, “Doctor said he can’t even recognize his daughter.”

“Oh…” Barry sullenly sinks back into the couch, “So what’s gonna happen now?”

“I told Valerie to take him home with her. At this point he’ll need someone watching over him,” Saul said, “They’re leaving as soon as the doctor said it’s okay.”

“Gonna be lonely around here without him, huh?”

“It’s for the best.”

Barry smiles as he leans over to hug Saul. Saul firmly hugs him back and kisses his forehead. 

 

That’s right. 

Barry’s the only one he has left now. 

No matter what he does, he needs to make sure to protect Barry, to keep him safe. Barry would have nobody else to turn to if something happens to him–

_ He _ took Bella away, and now Robert, too. 

But  _ he _ has to step over Saul’s dead body before he ever got to Barry. Saul can’t screw this up again.

 

“Don’t be sad, pops.”

“I ain’t sad,” Saul said, “I still got my baby boy right here.”

 

God, he’s so lonely. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (title inspired from Lana Del Rey Summertime Sadness. It's got a very cheerful video lmao


	6. Chapter 6

“Welcome back!”

Val unlocks the door and walks into the apartment – he follows behind her, holding Betsy in his arms while looking around curiously. 

“This… is a nice place.”

“Of course,” Val replied, “Cause you live here.”

Well, not that he would now, since he can’t remember. 

This sure is a nice place, though. It’s on the ninth floor of the building, so they get a nice view of the city from up here. 

 

These past few days have involved a lot of… new information.

He still can’t remember much of anything before he went to the hospital, but so far Val is helping him. Val told him that she’s his daughter, and he really has no reason to not believe her. 

Apparently they’ve gone to Maple Bay for a short trip, just to get out of town, and at some point during the trip he fell and hit his head pretty hard. 

But now they’re back in Brooklyn, so everything should be fine. He can’t help but feel a little guilty, though, since the whole incident has made Val take a few days off to take care of him. 

He doesn’t really understand about what to make of the situation yet, but now that he’s home, hopefully it’s not too difficult to adjust back to his normal life. 

“I’m hungry,” Val sighs, “You want some pizza?”

“Sure, why not,” he replied, “I’m going to unpack in my room.”

“You remember which one it is?”

He shakes his head. 

“That one,” Val said, pointing at a white door that has a poster stuck to it. 

 

Val watches him walk into his room, and sighs in relief. 

Things… seem to be going well. The doctor said everything should be fine, there should be no further brain damage – although they might have to do some check ups to be sure.

The real challenge comes now. Clearly he didn’t live here before the incident – she just told him that to make things a little easier for him to adjust. 

Irene questioned that decision. But it’s not like they have a better option… can’t have him running around in Maple Bay with his current condition, anyway. 

Telling him what happened may also prompt him to ask more questions – questions she wouldn’t know the answers to. 

Damn, maybe she should’ve asked Saul or Damien more on what happened. Why didn’t she think of that back then? She doesn’t even know what really happened to Robert before he suddenly collapsed. 

Val hears the door open behind her, and quickly turns around to see Irene walking into the apartment. A big smile appears on her face as soon as she sees Val, and she runs over to give her a big hug.

“I miss you!”

“Hey, baby,” Val said, pressing a kiss on her cheek – “Thank you so much for your help.”

“Oh, no big deal,” she replied, “My little brother helped me build everything, so I just… kinda sat around, really. I just made the bedside table.”

Val smiles, “Tell him I said thanks, too.”

Irene had gone back a few days before them to set everything up – buying some furniture from IKEA and assembling them, trying to make Robert’s new room more homely. Val’s never really used that room before aside from storage, anyway.

“How is he?” Irene asked in a hushed voice, “Where is he?”

“In the room unpacking,” Val replied, “He seems… fine. I don’t know.”

“Can I go say hi?”

“Sure. I already told him about you.”

  
  


“Hello!”

He turns, and sees a girl opening the door. It’s not Val…

She’s somewhat shorter than Val, and also… very pretty. She has wavy black hair, and and wearing a pink long-sleeved dress. 

Does he know her? He can’t quite remember.

“Hi…”

“I’m so glad you’re healthy!” she said, “Val told me about how you were out in the hospital for a couple days, and I was really worried… are you feeling much better now?”

He nods. Clearly this is someone who knows him from before, too, but the fact that he can’t remember her is making him pretty nervous–

She walks into the room, and Val follows behind her. Oh, thank god.

“He probably doesn’t remember you.”

“Ohh?” She smiles at him anyway, “Do you remember me, Val’s dad?”

He shakes her head – he can see the concern in her eyes, but she still nods with a smile. She sure seems like a very cheerful, happy person…

“It’s alright, I’m sure you’ll come to remember eventually,” she said, “I’m Irene Wang, Val’s girlfriend.”

“Ah…” He smiles nervously, “It… does ring a bell.”

No it doesn’t, but clearly she’s someone important to Val, so he tries his best to at least look good in front of her. Can she sense that he doesn’t remember? Who knows.

Irene. He should try to remember that now. 

“But from now on, you need plenty of rest, alright? Don’t push yourself too hard,’ she said, “Your health is the most important!”

“Thank you, Irene.”

“And you know, Val is busy sometimes,” she said, “So feel free to call me instead if you need help with anything!”

“I thought you have a lot of work yourself this week,” Val adds. 

She sighs, “Let’s not talk about that…”

“Thank you, dear.”

“No problem!” she said, “I guess I’ll leave you to unpack now…

“Oh, Betsy’s here too!”

She walks over to Betsy, who jumps at her excitedly. Irene pets her head, and Betsy wags her tail excitedly. 

“You wanna go take a walk, Betsy?” she asks, “Come on, let’s go!”

And so they both leave the room – now it’s just Val and him in the room.

“You need help unpacking?”

“I think I’m doing fine,” he replied. He’s gotten most of his clothes out of the suitcase and into his drawer, and just have some items to sort out. Small souvenirs, mostly.

“Irene’s a nice girl.”

“Of course,” Val replied with a smile, “You two always get along well.”

He nods – Irene seems like a very nice girl, after all. 

“I’ll be in the dining room doing some work,” she said before leaving, “Just holler if you need anything.”

“Sure.”

  
  


Val sighs as she opens her laptop. 

“Feels weird.”

Irene turns to look at her, while petting Betsy in her lap. 

“Why?” she asks, “He seems to be doing fine.”

“This isn’t how he usually is.”

“Of course, Val,” Irene replied, “Give him a break, you know? It’s going to take some time for things to go back to what they are.”

“No, like…” she sighs, “Just don’t get used to this, Irene. I don’t know how long it’ll go on.”

“Are you worried about things returning to what they used to be?” 

“Yeah…”   
  


Right now Robert’s… a blank slate. Everything from the past had been wiped clean for him – 

Along with his memories, he’s… lost his personality too, and most importantly his troubles. 

 

“That’s cause you’ve been lying to him, Val.”

Val sighs, because what Irene said is true. She did gloss over all his past problems when trying to explain his life to him.

“So you want me to tell him he used to be a fucking alcoholic?”

It’s now Irene’s turn to be quiet.

“I should’ve pressed Saul on what happened,” Val groans, “He’s the one who told me to get him out of town. He must know what’s going on.”

“I think it’s just a natural advise,” Irene replied, “I mean, you wouldn’t just leave him there after all this, right?”

“You have a point…”

 

Maybe he will slowly come to remember. That’s what the doctor told her, anyway. 

And then what will happen then? Is he going to go back to… what he used to be? An alcoholic, someone who doesn’t give a shit about her, or about himself or anything at all?

Because frankly she does like Robert like this. This is a side of him she’s never seen before.

The possibility still looms in the background, like a dark shadow.

 

“I mean, even when he starts to remember,” Irene said, “And he does go back to the way he was before, are you gonna love him less?”

“I… don’t know,” she replied, “I mean, I didn’t want anything to do with him for years.”

“We can try to fix that now.”

Val sighs, “God, I hope so.”

  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Sometimes he can’t help but feel like he’s being a burden. 

He probably shouldn’t – this is his house, and he’s living with his daughter. Everything is just as normal as they should be. 

Val has been treating him well – about as well as any child would. She is somewhat busy – usually he’d wake up in time to see her leave for work, and she’d come home in the evening. 

Irene has been nice to him too. At some point he told her to just call him “dad” instead of “Val’s dad”, and suddenly it feels like he’s gained a new daughter – she’s such a sweetheart and brutally honest around Val. 

But maybe part of it comes from the fact that he feels lonely at home, and just… isn’t too sure about what to do with himself. 

He spends his day walking Betsy around the block – he stops by a coffee shop to buy lunch, and the young man running it have grown to recognize him. He then goes home to watch TV or read a book – sometimes he falls asleep and ends up taking a nap, and then by dinner Val would be home, more often than not with Irene. She usually buys something for them to eat, and then the three of them chat or watch TV together. Paranormal Ghost Truckers Adventures is a pretty good show – Val doesn’t seem to like it as much as he does, but she relents and lets him watch it every Thursday when a new episode comes out. 

But he’s trying something today. 

He looked up at least eight recipes, and ultimately decided to do the recipe that has the most convincing video. 

He went to the store to buy a few ingredients, then watched the video again, taking notes on the steps this time. First is to cook the pasta according to the packet instructions, so he starts boiling some water in a pot. It sure is taking a while to boil, though. 

But it’s alright. This is about an hour before Val usually comes home – by the time she comes the food will be ready and still piping hot. 

He starts to cut up some onions – he’s doing them slowly, being careful to not cut his fingers by accident. Oh no, his eyes are getting a little watery…

Well, hopefully Val will enjoy this food. He does feel like she should eat healthier – homemade fresh food is a step in the right direction, at least. 

The water’s beginning to boil. This should be a good time to add the pasta–

Just as he’s cutting open the bag, he hears the door open. 

He turns around and sees Val walking in. She seems surprised to see him standing in the kitchen–

“Oh, hey, Val,” he greeted nervously, “You’re home early today.”

“Yeah, since I have a meeting like, super early tomorrow…” She walks over to him, “Are you cooking?”

“Well, it’s not quite ready yet…”

He notices a change in her expression – she seemed so tense and tired when she walked in, but now she’s smiling. 

“You don’t usually like cooking.”

“Well… I can try again.”

“Thank you,” Val said with a big smile – “I… I didn’t expect this at all.”

“Of course, you’re my daughter.”

She smiles and hugs him. 

“I’ll help you cook. Give me a sec to put down my stuff.”

“No, I got it–”

“Oh, come on, this is fun,” she said as she puts her bag on the couch. She then notices a notification for a text pop up on her phone–

 

_ “Hello, Valerie, this is Damien. I have heard neither from you or Irene for a while, and I can only hope that the two of you and your father are doing well. I would greatly appreciate if you can inform me of your current condition and whether or not you will need any further assistance from me.” _

Val can’t help but smile. Damien has been so nice to them when they were in Maple Bay, and even now he still cares, too. Better write a short update for him too – he must be worried.

“I really appreciate your concern, Damien.

“We’re doing great! He still hasn’t remembered anything that happened before he fell, but he’s adjusting well to life. He’s like a totally different person now though.”

She turns around to see that he’s stirring pasta in the pot. She sneakily takes a picture of him, and sends it to Damien.

“But thank you again for checking on us! I hope things are going well for you and Lucien too.”

 

She puts her phone back into her handbag before walking over to him.

“Irene texting you?”

“No, just another friend,” Val replied, “I haven’t seen him in a while, so he’s just checking on me, that’s all.

“Oh, by the way, Irene’s parents will be in town this Saturday,” Val said, “I think it’d be nice to meet them for lunch, what do you think?”

“That sounds good,” he replied, “Do they not live here?”

“They’re usually in California. They’re just visiting because they’re bored, I think.”

He nods slowly…

“Hey, Val?” he asks, “Where’s your mum?”

Now that Val’s mentioned it… what about her mum? She never mentioned it to him, and he hasn’t seen her either… but he most definitely has a wife, right?

“Oh, uh…” She seems a bit nervous, “She died years ago.”

Oh. Well, so that’s the case… he’s not too surprised she doesn’t want to talk about it. He can’t help but feel bad – clearly this isn’t a pleasant thing to talk about and he also feels guilty to have forgotten something so important– 

But his head is filled with questions. What happened to her? How did she die? What was she like? 

He can’t even remember her name. How could he forget something that important? 

“Anyway,” Val said, trying to change the topic – “I’m guessing I should grate all this cheese?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said – ”Maybe not all though, just half of it.”

He watches her cut the block of cheese into half before grating them into a bowl. 

Thinking about how grateful and lucky he is that Val is still here and willing to take care of him. Clearly she’s got her own life and her job and all that – but she still cares for her old father. 

It’s not like he has anyone else to rely on.

~•~

Damien’s working in his study when he hears someone knock the front door. He quickly turns to look at the clock – it is almost 8 PM. 

He quickly gets out of his study to be greeted by the sight of Lucien, who’s also getting up from the couch to get the door. 

“You expecting someone, dad?”

“Yes,” Damien replied, “You can go back to your room if you wish, darling.”

Lucien shrugs, “I mean, if you’re dating anyone, I wanna meet them.”

“Oh, darling, you’re thinking too much into it,” Damien said with a smile as he opens the door. 

 

Saul’s standing outside the door. Damien smiles as he opens the door a little wider to let him come in. 

“Good evening, Damien.”

Saul smiles, but Damien can’t help but sense… some sort of fatigue in his eyes. Maybe Damien’s overthinking it or the light is too bright, but he seems a little pale, too. 

“Oh, thank you so much for coming,” Damien said, “Please, come in!”

Saul can’t help but notice that Lucien is glaring at him slightly as he steps in. Saul’s not too surprised, given their… history.

 

“Coffee or tea?”

“Tea would be great,” Saul said, “Been drinking coffee all day at the station.”

“That’s a good idea.”

Damien picks out a packet of tea, and drops it into his teapot. 

 

“It sure is lonely without Robert around, huh?”

Saul nods as Damien walks over to him to serve him some cookies. 

“You saw them off, didn’t you?”

“I guess you can say so,” Damien said, “I talked to Valerie and Irene before they left – I didn’t get to see Robert, however.”

“Neither did I.”

Damien pours some tea into a teacup – for Saul, and then another one for himself. 

“How are you, Damien?” Saul asks with a little smile, “Lucien’s not getting into trouble, is he?”

“I check on his oregano plants every day to make sure it’s not depleting,” Damien replied, “Thank you for your concern.”

Saul nods, seemingly happy with that answer. They can both hear Lucien grumbling to himself in the other room.

“How have you been, Saul?” Damien asks, “I’m a little concerned about you.”

“Oh? I’m fine,” Saul replied, “Work’s busy as usual, you know, but nothing major.”

They’re both quiet for a bit. Saul takes a sip of his tea – Damien watches him while playing with his teacup, grazing his thumb gently against the lip of the cold porcelain cup.

Damien must admit that Saul is a very calm, collected man. He knows something is bothering him – but he shows none of it. His expression is just as calm and relaxed as before – no signs of nervousness or anything.

“About Robert,” Damien said, “I know you two are… somewhat close.”

Saul nods, but doesn’t say anything else. 

“I don’t know,” Damien sighs, “I’ve tried to get through to him, but he wouldn’t really open up to me. I suppose it’s only natural for someone to not want to talk about his problems to someone they don’t know so well…”

And maybe that’s why Saul isn’t letting him on his feelings, too – he’s just way better at hiding it than Robert. Robert would get noticeably tense, try to talk about something else, or avoid eye contact – 

Not Saul. He retains his composure, like they’re talking adopting a dog.

“I was wondering if you know about anything that happened to him, that’s all,” Damien said. 

Saul’s still quiet. He puts down his teacup with a sigh, and Damien can see now that he’s thinking about something. 

Damien wonders if Saul feels it, too. 

That something has been off since Robert’s gone. Not because of his presence – but it felt like something deeper is behind all this, and… misfortune just happened to befall on Robert. 

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Damien said, trying to break the silence – “What did you tell Valerie before she left?”

“Just some dad advice,” Saul replied, “You know, things like take care of yourself, don’t work too hard, take care of Robert, some relationship advice, stuff like that.”

“Please pardon me, for this is just my opinion,” Damien said, “I think if you hadn’t talked to her, she wouldn’t have brought Robert back to Brooklyn.”

“What do you mean?” Saul asks – “Clearly she can’t stay here – she has her job and all, and Irene had to go back quicker before her.”

“You know for yourself their relationship hasn’t been great...” Damien sighs, “But it makes sense that she would take care of Robert now that this happened. Maybe I am overthinking it.”

So he said, but he still can’t shake the feeling that… there’s something Saul isn’t telling him. 

He wonders if Saul told Val, then, or if he decided not to tell her, too. Although that seems pretty… strange if true. Val is Robert’s daughter after all – there really isn’t anything to hide from her, and if anything, she deserves to know the truth of what happened.

Saul still seems so calm, Damien’s starting to feel annoyed. This is definitely not how he wanted this conversation to go…

...but it does seem like he’s not going to get anything out of Saul tonight. 

 

“Oh, yeah, I was texting with Valerie earlier.”

Damien takes out his phone and scrolls through his history before handing it to Saul. 

It’s the picture Val sent him earlier – Robert’s hunched over a pot with a spoon in his hand, seemingly cooking something. 

Damien’s never seen Robert cook – he doesn’t know if anyone else ever did, and he usually just brings some ice cream to the neighborhood barbeque. It sure is a nice change…

 

He looks back up to Saul –

He’s… smiling, but at the same time, something feels… off about it. He looks like he’s about to cry.

He’s just completely changed from his unfazed expression earlier – like something that was holding him back had been removed, and now he’s just letting all his feelings show. 

“Saul.” Damien reaches over to hold his hand – ”Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Saul replies – he quickly wipes the tears pooling in his eyes – “I’m fine. It’s just… I’m relieved.”

He quickly hands Damien his phone.

“Thank you,” he said, “I needed to know he’s doing well.”

Saul takes a deep breath, and covers his face with his hands. He soon drags them down his face, though, and shakes his head with a smile. 

He seems happy… no, relieved. Like some big burden had just been lifted off his shoulders.

“At least he’s happy now.”

Saul smiles and nods. 

 

“Thank you for the tea.”

“Oh, please, thank you for being a good company tonight.”

Damien’s still feeling a little annoyed that he couldn’t get Saul to tell him anything, but after watching him nearly break down like that, Damien’s decided that maybe this isn’t the time. There’s always another chance.

At least Saul seems to be more relaxed now. Damien knows he must be worried about Robert too – he still doesn’t understand why Saul wouldn’t talk to him about it, but oh well. He’s always glad to help. 

Saul steps out of the house, then stops and turns around to Damien. 

“By the way,” he said, and Damien braces himself – maybe now Saul will tell him what he knows about the situation–

“You shouldn’t tell Joseph about this.”

“...huh?”

“You know, about Robert and all that,” Saul said, “Did you tell him yet?”

Damien shakes his head. 

“I haven’t told Mary either.”

“Good. Just don’t tell Joseph, okay?”

Damien nods slowly, not fully understanding what’s going on – Saul seems to be happy with this, though.

“Thank you, Damien. Have a good night.”

He watches as Saul gets into his car, starts it up and drives away. 

...but what was that about Joseph anyway? 

 


	8. I can hear violins

The roads are kind of dark tonight. 

He’s driving, and someone’s sitting next to him. 

A woman. She has long brown hair, tied into a ponytail, and she’s wearing a green shirt with jeans. The window is open next to her, and she has a cigarette between her fingers. 

Where are they going? 

He doesn’t know this place. It just looks dark around, although there are some streetlights around them. He still can’t see the road too clearly, though. 

“I wonder if Val will be home before us.”

“Probably not,” he replied, “We’re coming home pretty early today.”

She nods. 

“Oh, yeah, we need to figure out Val’s dorm situation,” she said suddenly, “You thought about that?”

“I don’t know…” He sighs, “I guess the dorm is way more expensive than the apartments, but like hell I’m letting her live on her own in Brooklyn.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” she replied, “Maybe next year we can let her have her own place.”

“That’s still early.”

“Being the worried dad now?” 

He turns to see her smile playfully. 

“She’ll be fine, Rob. She knows how to take care of herself.”

“You know for yourself it’s dangerous over there.”

“You know what, we’ll talk about this another time,” she said, “We agree she has to live in the dorm this year?”

He nods. 

“Good,” she said, “That was easy.”

“You tell her, though, cause she’s gonna get mad at me.”

“Oh, honey, stop thinking she hates you,” she said with a smile, “And besides, if you just keep avoiding her, it’s not going to help with anything, is it?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Also, you know, after she actually leaves for college and all, she’ll realize how much it means to have you around.”

“She’ll miss you, I’m sure,” he said, “Not so much me.”

  
  
  


“Marilyn?!”

What happened?

He can’t move.

Blood. There’s a lot of blood everywhere–

A lot of blood on him. Some of his own blood, some hers

“Hey, Marilyn!”

Her eyes are closed and her head is bleeding, her body limp. He tries to reach her–

Can’t move. Something is holding him back–

She’s going to die. Holy fuck. He has to do something.

Do something, Robert. She’s going to die.

 

Can’t move. Something is holding him back.

His chest hurts. 

Can’t see her body rising and falling, just still. The blood streaming down her head, dripping on the car seat. 

This is bad. This is bad.

 

~•~

 

It’s time to wake up.

 

He gets up from his bed with a start. 

Looks around the room… he’s alone, in his bedroom. 

Betsy’s sitting next to the bed, looking at him… she’s just a dog, of course, but he could tell that she’s worried. Has she been barking to wake him up?

“Come here.”

She hops up onto the bed and into his arms. He sighs as he holds her close and pets her head.

 

It’s just a bad dream. 

It feels strange. He hasn’t had any dreams for a long time… at least not after he left the hospital with Val. 

But he’s forgotten a lot of things, too. Maybe this dream, too, lies somewhere in his memories. 

Who’s that woman he was driving with? 

 

Betsy barks in his arms, like she’s trying to tell him everything is okay.

 

He gets up from his bed and out of his bedroom.

Val’s gone to work. She told him she needed to leave by 7 AM, and now it’s almost 9 AM. 

...it sure is lonely without her.

He sighs as he sat down on the couch and turns the TV on. He should go walk Betsy soon...

The TV tunes in to some news he doesn’t really care about. He tried watching it – something about a state that recently got a terrible hurricane, and how they’re recovering from it. The channel shows some pictures of the affected areas – houses with broken roofs, rubble on the streets, trees that have fallen, pictures of people carrying things out of their houses, wading through the water. 

 

He notices something on his hand. 

A tattoo of some sort, huh. He doesn’t really remember when he got it either…

It’s pretty much the only tattoo he has – looks like some sort of black sun, with a black dot in the middle.

He doesn’t really remember why he got it, either, but people only get tattoos of things that are meaningful to them, right?

He grazes on the tattoo with his thumb. It looks pretty old, already fading and all. 

...maybe he shouldn’t think too much about it, but it’s bugging him. 

He knows he’s a reminder of some sort, but… he can’t remember it now, definitely. 

So it’s practically useless.

 

Life is fine – there’s nothing he would change about anything.

So what is this gnawing feeling, the voice at the back of his head screaming at him, 

that none of this is real, none of this will last?

 

Best to not think about this. 

It’s not urgent to remember. 

This is all because he had a nightmare, isn’t it.

Best to distract himself. Maybe a walk in the park would help. Betsy needs to go out anyway, right?

 

He waits for Betsy to finish eating her food, then puts her red collar on her. She barks happily, knowing this means they’re going for a walk.

“Do you know more than I do, Betsy?” he asks, scratching her head – “You know what I was like before?”

She just barks. 

 

Yeah, it’s not important, is it. 

Life is fine and everything is as they should be. He’s living happily with his daughter, enjoying his retirement, watching her grow and mature into an adult, and he’s happy for her for being in such a happy relationship with Irene. 

Everything is fine. There’s nothing he shouldn’t be content about. 

  
  


He can’t help but notice the few photo albums in the living room shelf. Right – why didn’t he think about looking at them before?

He pulls out a random book and flips it open. These pictures look pretty old…

There are a few pictures of him, when he was still young, maybe. He’s wearing a leather jacket and jeans, smiling happily – standing next to him is the woman he saw in the car in his dream, and another woman who… seems somewhat familiar, but he doesn’t remember her. Probably an old friend? The three of them are standing in front of what seems to be a bar. 

He’s not young like that anymore… it’s somewhat sad to think about.

He flips through the pages – there are more pictures of him, and the woman. 

Marilyn’s her name, isn’t it?

 

He soon arrives at a picture of her, holding a small baby in her arms. That must be Val…

Ohh, she was so tiny back then, so cute and precious. 

Wait, it’s not like she isn’t anymore. But still, baby Val is so cute.

On the next page there’s a picture of him with baby Val, too, and he’s nervously holding her and feeding her milk while Marilyn looks over. He probably wasn’t the most experienced father…

 

It feels so strange. 

He had a life before all of this happened, and yet he can’t remember any of it. 

Everything is fine, but… he does want to remember. It just feels like he can’t accept that a big chunk of his life was gone in the darkness. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title inspired from Lana Del Rey Ultraviolence.


	9. Chapter 9

There’s really nothing about the neighborhood barbeque that Damien particularly enjoys, or anything that compels him to come every time one is held. It’s just nice, he supposes, to come catch up with the other dads. It’s a good opportunity for Lucien to meet the other kids too – although most of the time he just hangs out with Ernest in the corner somewhere instead of trying to make new friends. Damien can’t really blame him for that, since pretty much everyone else is much younger than him and Ernest. 

This time is a little different, though. Mary had practically begged for him to come, although Damien was going anyway – her reason being that Robert isn’t in town anymore, and she needs someone to talk to. She even offered to give him wine in return.

And so here he is, standing with Mary near the drinks table. She’s nursing her glass of red wine, and so is he, although he’s drunk way less than her. 

Joseph is the one mostly talking to the other dads – right now he seems to be talking with Brian about grilling tips and tricks. You know, usual dad stuff. 

“You heard anything from Val?” Mary asks suddenly.

“Well, I did text her the other day,” Damien replied, “She said they’re doing fine.”

Damien briefly thought about showing the picture Val sent him – but then he remembered what Saul told him.

Maybe another day, then, when it’s just the two of them at the animal shelter.

“You’ve been missing him, Mary?”

“Jim and Kim’s is gonna close without him around,” Mary sighs. He can’t help but chuckle at that.

“Well, you’re still here to keep them in business.”

“Yeah, but it’s no fun when Rob’s not around.”

They’re silent again, and Damien turns to watch the crowd, trying to find Lucien – there he is, looking at something on his phone with Briar and Hazel. He notices that Craig is watching him suspiciously, too. So Lucien’s the bad influence now, apparently.

“You talk to that detective recently?”

“Graves?” 

“Didn’t you say he’s going to try to look into what happened?”

Damien nods, “He hasn’t updated me on anything, though.”

Mary sighs.

“You seem very worried, Mary.”

“It just feels off to not have him around,” she replied, “I guess I just gotta get used to it.”

“Trust Val to take care of him,” he said, “She’s his daughter, she knows what she’s doing.”

“I know, I know. She’s a fine gal,” she replied, “I just wanna know what happened, you get what I mean?”

“Mommy!”

She turns to the voice calling her – it’s Christine, who’s pointing angrily at Chris.

“He stole my cookie!”

“No I didn’t, that was my cookie!”

“Oh my fucking god,” Mary groans as she hands Damien her glass – “Wait for me.”

And so she left. Damien’s suddenly not too sure what to do – he does want to walk around and talk to the other dads while she sorts it out, but Mary has told him to wait too–

Oh well, he supposes it wouldn’t hurt. Mary’s not going to take too long to calm her kids, and then he can go around and talk to others.

 

“Hey, Damien!”

He turns around and sees Joseph behind him, holding a tray of cupcakes. 

“Hello there, Joseph.”

“Would you like a vanilla cupcake?”

“Oh, of course I’m not going to refuse a cupcake from the best baker in town,” Damien replied as he took one. 

“How is it going for you, Joseph?”

“Well, life’s been great,” Joseph said with a smile, “Sure feels a little weird not to have Robert around for the barbeque.”

“You’re right,” Damien said, “You guys have been neighbors for so long, too.”

“Well, what matters is that he’s healthy and he’s back with his daughter.”

Damien nods, “I think it’s the best outcome we could’ve hoped for.”

“And it’s all thanks to you, Damien,” Joseph said, “If you hadn’t found him, he could’ve died, you know?”

“...huh?”

That… sure took a dark turn.

Joseph is still smiling at him, like they’re talking about some light-hearted subject, like… adopting a dog. But what he said just doesn’t feel like something that should be taken lightly…

Damien smiles hesitantly, “I… I suppose. I just did what I had to do.”

“Yeah, I know,” Joseph said, “It would have been a big loss if he died.”

“Right…”

He can’t really tell where this conversation is going, but Damien is wishing they’re talking about… literally anything else. Maybe he should try to change the subject… 

“Valerie must be grateful to you for saving his life.”

Of course, he’s had people tell him this, ranging from Saul, who told him this very calmly, to Val and Irene, who were definitely a lot more emotional about it–

No, this whole exchange feels strange. It’s a little too ominous. It’s not just because Damien is easily scared, right? He’s usually pretty comfortable talking about death too, since it is something all humans have in common – 

What’s this unsettling feeling in his stomach? 

Damien thinks back to what Saul said about not letting Joseph know about the picture. Is this why? 

Why is Joseph so fixated on… the idea of Robert being dead, though? He’s not dead, it doesn’t make sense. It almost sounds like…

 

“Dad?”

Damien turns around in surprise as he feels someone touch his arm – he almost jumps, being so tense from this conversation – 

But it’s just Lucien.

“Oh, yes, dear?”

“Can we go home now?” Lucien asks, “I have that biology paper due tomorrow, remember?”

“Oh, uh…” Damien glances at Joseph, who’s still smiling at them – “I thought you’re almost done working on it?”

Now Damien is noticing that Lucien is looking… no, glaring at Joseph. He looks suspicious of Joseph, and… almost angry, even. Was he listening to their conversation?

“No, I’ve only got like, a page written.”

Lucien grabs Damien by the arm and pulls him away forcefully.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Oh, uh, okay then!” Damien hurriedly waves at Joseph, “Thank you for another great barbeque, Joseph!”

“Of course,” he said, “And good luck on your paper, Lucien!”

Lucien doesn’t reply and just hurriedly drags Damien off.

  
  


Damien manages to hand Mary her glass back before leaving. She seems a bit disappointed that he’s leaving early, but Lucien insists on not going back alone. Damien promises her that he’ll be at the shelter tomorrow, and she seems pleased with that.

Lucien nearly drags Damien out of the backyard and onto the street, walking quickly.

At some point they’re far enough from Joseph’s house, and Lucien finally slows down.

“Thank you, Lucien.”

“No problem,” Lucien said, “He was looking at you real weird.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Dunno,” Lucien said, “I just didn’t like it.”

So it wasn’t just his feeling after all. Damien sighs in relief.

“Thank you, darling,” he said, “By the way, your homework…”

“I finished it already, don’t worry,” Lucien said, “I just couldn’t think of a better excuse.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

It’s dark and quiet here. 

The wind is cold. Leaves rustling around him, branches creaking as they sway in the wind. 

 

He’s standing alone in this darkness. 

It feels… calming, somehow. 

It’s just him and nature. 

 

What do you hear, Robert?

Leaves rustle, squeaks of small animals. The wind blows, a cold caress on his skin.

In the distance, a big shadow. 

 

It’s coming closer.

He can’t make the heads or tails out of it. It just looks like… a dark blob, like it’s absorbing all the light around it. 

Just a hole in reality. 

It’s coming closer to him.

 

He steps back, ready to run away. 

The shadow is… growing, bigger and bigger. It seems like it’s ripping a hole through the forest and soon enough the forest will be gone, absorbed by this darkness, 

And he, too, will disappear, swallowed in that void. 

But what’s in there? Is it just a hole with no exit? Is something inside? Where do the things it absorbs go?

 

His instinct tells him to run, but he’s curious. 

Feels… compelled, drawn to it. Can’t look away.

He knows he should run before it eats him alive, too. 

 

Something shines in the center of the hole.

 

“Robert!”

He feels someone grab his hand, and soon enough he’s being dragged away. 

He turns to see who’s leading him away – but his face is obscured in the darkness. He’s a big man, and his coat flutters in the night. 

He turns to look at the black hole again. It seems to be expanding quicker now, as if going after them. 

It spreads to the forest, to the night sky. Everything behind them is just dark now. 

He feels the man hold his hand tighter as they rush through the forest. 

He can’t even see the man’s face, but he feels like he can trust him. Does he know him from before, perhaps?

 

The man turns around to look at Robert, and at the growing darkness behind them.

He seems afraid, and Robert feels him quicken his pace. 

“Where are we going, Saul?” 

The man doesn’t reply. They just keep running and running.

 

At some point he’s sure the big shadow is way too far behind to catch up to them. He turns around to look, and all he sees are trees. 

The man is still holding his hand as they run through the forest. 

How is he not tired after running all this far? Robert’s having trouble keeping up with him, almost falling over a few times. But the man’s grip holds him firmly and catches him every time.

 

And suddenly he’s gone.

He barely notices it, but suddenly nobody’s holding his hand anymore. 

He runs for a bit more and then looks around, trying to find the man. 

Where did he go? How did he disappear so suddenly? Is he near? 

 

“Saul!” 

The voice calling isn’t his own. It seems to have come from a distance – 

Since, he still can’t help but feel the fear creeping back into his mind. 

He’s all alone now, in this dark forest. He doesn’t see a way out. 

The darkness is nowhere to be seen for now, but… it could come back at any time. And at this point he’s tired of running, he’s not sure where to go, what to do if it comes back–

 

“Saul! Saul?”

He starts to wander around the forest, trying to find him. How did that man disappear so quickly?

“Where are you, Saul? Don’t leave me alone, I’m scared.”

He walks into the forest. He’s probably going to get lost like this, but it’s slightly better than just standing around and waiting for the man to come back. 

He’s scared, still, but tries to not show it. They say animals can smell fear.

“Saul?” he calls again, “Come back, Saul!”

 

~•~

 

“Hello!”

Irene unlocks the door and walks into the apartment. Nobody seems to be around…

That’s strange. Robert should be home – it’s only 3 PM. Unless he’s decided to go out to the park or something…

No, Betsy’s here, and she’s very excited to see Irene, because it means a lot of treats. She smiles and scoops Betsy into her arms – Betsy excitedly tries to lick her face, but she blocks her with her hand.

“No, no, I’ve got makeup on. And I still need to go somewhere after this.”

...that doesn’t stop Betsy from trying, though. 

“Betsy. Betsy, no, foundation doesn’t taste good.”

She decided to let Betsy go. Betsy runs in circles around her, happily wagging her tail. 

“Where’s your dad, Betsy?” Irene asks as she walks around – Robert’s probably in his room. Is it okay to knock the door and peek in, see what he’s up to? She certainly doesn’t want to make it weird or anything…

Yeah, maybe she should. Just to make sure he’s home.

“Hey, dad?”

She knocks the door and waits. She can’t really hear anything from the inside…

He wouldn’t leave the apartment without Betsy, though, would he now?

“It’s Irene. Are you in there?”

She faintly hears, “Yeah.”

“I’m coming in.”

 

She opens the door, and sees Robert lying on his bed, with his back turned to her. 

“Oh, sorry if I woke you up.”

“No, no…” He sits up, “No, it’s fine.”

“Were you taking a nap?” Irene asks as she walks in, “Should I leave?”

He shakes his head, “It’s fine.”

Looking at him now, she can see that his eyes are somewhat red and puffy. Like he’s been crying…

He looks up at her, though, and forces a smile. 

“What’s up, Irene?”

“Val and I are going to a party after she’s done with work, so I decided to come here and hang out, you know.”

He nods with a little smile. She sits down on the bed next to him – he seems a little surprised that she’s coming so close, and scoots away. 

“What about you, dad?” she asks, “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, just… haven’t been doing much,” he replied, “Watched TV and took a nap.”

She looks at his face closely – yeah, his eyes are definitely swollen. He must have been crying...

Irene notices the photo album sitting on the bed, and grabs it. Is this why?

He looks like he’s about to stop her, but doesn’t really say anything as she opens cover and starts looking through. 

“Oh my god, it’s Val’s baby pictures!” 

She giggles as she looks at the pictures. He’s looking, too, over her shoulder. 

“So these pictures must be like, what, about twenty seven years old now, huh?” she asks, “You look pretty different too, dad.”

“I do?”

“Not trying to say you look old, by the way,” she quickly said, “You do age well. Still kind of have that gruff charm, you know what I mean?”

“I see,” he said with a little smile, “I don’t know if you’re just saying that to make me feel good, Irene, but thanks.”

“Oh, come on dad, of course I’m sincere,” she said.

“And this is Val’s mum, huh?”

He just nods slowly. 

“Yeah, she kinda looks like Val, alright,” she said, “She definitely got those brows and cheekbones from you, though.”

“You’re giving me a little too much credit here.”

“Hey, gotta give credit where it’s due,” she teases, and he lets out a little laugh. 

It’s nice to see him relax a little. She still has no idea why he was crying earlier, but of course she’s gonna do everything in her power to make him at least a little less sad. 

She flips through the pages of the photo album – the next few pages mostly have pictures of Val as a toddler, slowly growing into a child. She was really cute as a child…

“Hey, Irene?”

“What is it, dad?”

He seems to hesitate, but then sighs. 

“You knew me even before all of this happened, right?” 

“I mean, we never really got to spend time together, but yeah,” she replied, “What about it?”

“I don’t know…” He sighs deeply, “I’ve just been thinking a lot, about… things.”

She nods thoughtfully. 

“I don’t know how to put this,” he said, “But I feel off.”

“That’s not surprising, given your current condition,” she replied, “It might take a while for you to get used to everything.”

He pauses for a little while and stares down at the floor. Irene watches him quietly, waiting. 

Damn, it suddenly got tense in here...

“What I’m going to say is probably gonna sound a little strange, but… ” he sighs, “I feel like there’s… something I need to do.”

 

She just nods. She doesn’t understand what he’s talking about, of course, but it would be rude to dismiss it like Val is doing. 

She understands too, that Val thinks it’s best to hide the truth from him. 

He doesn’t need to remember that he was an alcoholic, and a father who kind of… neglected her. 

Maybe he’ll go back to being  _ that  _ Robert if he remembers, maybe not. 

Maybe this is the version of Robert Val wants to see, maybe this is the father Val always wishes she had growing up. 

Irene knows it’s messed up, but she can understand. 

 

But it’s hurting him, isn’t it. 

 

“Don’t tell Val yet, okay? I don’t want her to worry about me too much,” he said, “She’s busy enough as she is now.”

She nods. 

“What is it, though? Maybe I can help you do it.”

“I… I don’t know. I’m not sure,” he said – “I just… feel really bad that I don’t remember. But…”

He furrows his brows slightly, thinking hard. 

“I’ve just been… having weird dreams, you know.”

“Is it bothering you?” she asks, “We can go see a therapist about it, if you want.”

“No, I’m… I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal,” he replied with a little smile, “I just don’t know what to do about it. I’m remembering things from the past, and I don’t know what to do with it…”

He sighs deeply and massages his temples. 

“I just… don’t know,” he said, “Sorry if I’m being difficult.”

“You know what, we don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to,” she said, “You wanna go out and chill? Watch TV or something?”

He nods slowly and smiles. She gets up and takes his hand, encouraging him to come with her. 

  
  


“I’m home.”

He turns around from the TV to see Val walk in through the door. Irene’s sitting next to him, still watching the TV. 

“Hey, Val,” he greets her, “Going out with Irene today?”

“Yeah, just going out to a party,” Val replies, “We’ll be back before midnight.”

“Oh, come on, you two take your time,” he said, “I’m not setting you a curfew or anything anyway, Val. Go stay at her house if you want to.”

“Ah…” Val smiles sheepishly, “I guess.”

Irene winks playfully at her. Val’s glad that they’re at least getting along.

“Thanks, dad. I’ll bring her back tomorrow,” Irene said as she gets up from the sofa. 

“You two have fun.

“Oh, yeah, Val,” he calls suddenly, “There’s something I want to ask you before you go.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Do I have a friend called Saul?”

 

Val feels her heart sink upon hearing that question. 

Why… all of sudden? Is he beginning to remember what happened?

That’s certainly a good thing… maybe. But still–

 

“No.” “Yeah.”

Val turns to Irene, surprised. 

“I mean, yeah... I don’t know if you two are friends,” Irene replied, “But I think you guys used to hang, or something.”

Val feels her heart going faster. Why is Irene so casually telling him about this? She’s supposed to play along and pretend like that trip to Maple Bay never happened…

Well, Irene has always been brutally honest to her, it’s not all that surprising that she would be honest to him, too, but… but Val asked this favor of her, didn’t she? 

Don’t tell him what really happened, because it’s not like they know all the details to begin with. 

And she definitely doesn’t want him to remember everything, and then go back to Maple Bay and leave her here. 

Everything’s going so well up to this point. 

He… doesn’t need to remember. 

Why can’t he just push that shit out of his mind and move on with life as usual? Has she done anything wrong that made him remember?

 

“Val?”

“Oh...” 

She forces a smile – she notices he’s looking at her with concern. 

He can’t know about this, but… but Irene told him. She can’t exactly deny it, it’ll just confuse him…

Damn, why does Irene have to say yes?

“I mean… I don’t know, you have a lot of friends,” Val replied, “I don’t remember all of them.”

She feels Irene glaring at her for not being truthful – but it’s fine. She’ll just explain this to Irene later and tell her not to tell him again–

He now turns to Irene. Oh shit.

“You remember this Saul guy? Have I talked about him before?”

“I mean, I don’t know him,” she replied, and Val quietly sighs in relief–

“You remember anything else about him? Maybe then Val and I can try to figure it out.”

 

He seems… dazed at this point, almost confused. Clearly he’s still thinking about it… she needs to distract the conversation somehow. 

No, nonono. He definitely doesn’t need to remember more than that. Val makes a neck cutting motion at her, cueing her to move on from the topic– but Irene just glares back at her. 

Irene’s always told her that she needs to be honest about it to Robert at some point, but… but not now. 

Not ever, actually. Val was hoping he would readjust back eventually and they never need to talk about what happened before he collapsed.

 

“I don’t remember...”

“I see.” Irene flashes him her sweetest smile – “That’s fine, dad.” 

“But… it feels important,” he said, “I don’t even know what he looks like, but I want to see him again.”

“If you remember more we can try to find him, okay, dad?”

He nods slowly, and with a little smile on his face. 

“Okay,” he muttered, “Sorry. That was weird, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t worry, dad, we’ll figure it out together, alright?”

He nods, and turns to Val with a smile. 

“I’m holding up you girls, aren’t I?” he said, “Go on your date. Have fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo everyone i'd rlly like to know what you think of val and irene here so pls tell me what u think!! thank you!


	11. Chapter 11

“You’ve been coming here more often.”

Saul just sighs with a little smile, “I guess so.”

Neil fills up a glass with some beer and slides it over to Saul. Saul’s watching the TV in the corner of the bar, which is showing a basketball game or something. 

The bar isn’t busy, but it’s not that empty either. Some people seem to be watching the TV as well, while others are just talking with their friends, or playing cards. 

Neil can’t help but keep an eye on Saul. He’s been coming more – about twice a week recently. He doesn’t usually stay for long either, he just leaves after an hour or so – 

Of course he knows what’s up. News about Robert spreads pretty quickly around town, but it also died away pretty quickly. With the way Robert was treating himself it was probably no surprise to anyone that something like this was going to happen to him. Neil would safely even say there was a rumor going around that Robert had a stroke and died or something. 

Everyone’s forgotten about him now, though. Mary still comes by – somewhat less than she used to, but nobody ever asks her about Robert. 

Well, that’s just how a bar is – people come and go, unnoticed. It’s just a liminal space where people come, try to drink their problems away, and leave feeling a little better than when they came in. 

 

Saul’s been looking like something’s in his mind. 

It must be Robert, Neil thinks. This is where Robert used to hang out all the time – there’s no better place for Saul to reminisce about him. 

 

“How’s everything going?”

“Fine,” Saul replies, “You know, work, the usual…”

“Come on, Saul, we’ve known each other for years now,” Neil said, “Are we not at that level yet?”

Saul sighs and smiles at Neil. 

“That comes from years of experience as a bartender, huh?”

“I should get you drunk sometime,” Neil said, “I hear Robert’s sob stories all the time, but you shut yourself up real tight, man.”

Saul chuckles, “You don’t wanna hear them now either, Neil.”

“I do though,” Neil counters, “Tell me what your deal is, Saul. Behind every man is a tragic backstory of some sort.”

“Come on, Neil, you know my deal,” Saul said, “My wife’s dead. Never been the same without her.”

“And now Robert’s gone, too,” Neil adds, “Come on, Saul, stop acting like you’re not upset about it.”

Saul falls silent at this, and takes a sip of his beer to avoid talking. Neil can surely tell this isn’t really something he wants to talk about – but he needs to. It’s not good to bottle up feelings. 

“Look, man, you’re not alone in this,” Neil said, “I don’t know why you’re not really talking to anyone about this.”

“I’m fine,” Saul said again, “I really am. You’re just thinking that I’m upset.”

“Saul–”

“No, really, Neil,” he laughs – “Don’t worry about me. I’m good.”

Neil just nods. Clearly not everything is fine as Saul said – hell, he can tell immediately just looking at Saul – but he seems determined to not talk about it, for whatever reason. 

“You know, man, this is a bar,” Neil said finally, “People come here with all sorts of bullshit. Don’t feel like you can't talk about it.”

“Sure,” Saul replied, “Thanks, man.”

  
  


Saul finishes his drink and decides to leave. 

It’s almost 10 PM anyway – about time for him to go home before Barry starts wondering where he is. 

He lights a cigarette as he walks out of the bar. 

Has he been smoking more lately, too? 

Probably. He doesn’t smoke a lot, usually just around five cigarettes a day, but now he’s almost finished this whole pack. 

Maybe tone it down tomorrow. 

 

It’s nice for Neil to be concerned for him, and honestly, it’s not that Saul doesn’t appreciate it, 

But he doesn’t like it when others act like they can understand what he’s going through. 

Maybe he’s just thinking too much of it. Maybe if he talks about how much he misses Robert and wishes he could have done more that day… 

They would listen, but they wouldn’t understand anyway. Talking about his problems just makes him feel vulnerable. 

 

He hasn’t heard about Robert for some time now. 

Damien told him Robert’s doing fine, and he does believe it. This is the best scenario for him – living happily with Val back at Brooklyn. 

Saul can’t possibly ask for more. So what if he’s not in the picture? The most important thing is for Robert to be happy.

He just needs some time is all. It hasn’t even been a month since the whole incident happened. 

He got over Bella’s death, sort of. 

He’ll get over Robert, too. Eventually.

He’s got better things to take care of, like… Barry. Poor Barry sure has been lost among all this mess going on with his dad…

 

“Good evening, Saul.”

Saul turns around to the voice calling him…

Oh, it’s Joseph fucking Christiansen. 

How does he always appear right when Saul doesn’t want to see him? Does he track when Saul would be alone and feeling a little sad, and just swing by to make his day a little worse?

Saul doesn’t bother trying to force a smile anymore. He quietly wonders what his face looks like to Joseph. 

Joseph still smiles at him, the fake, sickeningly sweet kind. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh, whoa, what’s with the hostility, detective?” Joseph asks – calling him detective, like teasing him. 

Joseph’s wearing the light blue sweater that’s usually tied around his neck over his pink polo. It looks just slightly big on him. 

“You know, I just… happened to pass by,” Joseph said, “There’s really nothing more to it.”

“And what’s a respectable pastor like you doing in the alley behind a bar?”

“And what’s a respectable detective like you doing in the alley behind a bar?”

Saul shrugs. He can have that one.

“I’m going home,” Saul said as he turns around, “Leave me be.”

  
  


“You and I are pretty similar, aren’t we, Saul?”

Saul turns around. Joseph can see he’s gotten his attention now. 

Honestly, Saul is quite easy to piss off. As much as he doesn’t show it, he’s a pretty emotional man, and somewhat insecure. 

Too scared of screwing it all up again and hurting or losing someone. 

“I know that you love Robert, too,” he said, “But not the way you loved your wife. A twisted sort of love. 

“Robert  _ has _ to love me, and nobody else. It’s this need to own him, in a sense. He can’t love anyone, not even so much allowed to look at anyone else.

“Because he’s mine.”

Saul just stands there, silent, as he watches Joseph go about his little monologue. He then sighs and turns around. 

“You crazy son of a bitch.”

“Well,” Joseph smiles sweetly, “Aren’t you, too?”

“Robert’s my friend.”

“Isn’t this why you told Val to take him out of here?” Joseph asks, slowly walking closer to Saul – “If I can’t have Robert, I’ll make sure Joseph can’t have him either.”

“Just let Robert have his life back,” Saul hisses, “You keep out of this.”

“Robert trusted you, you know?” Joseph keeps walking closer – “He thought you could turn it around, save him from me, from his own demons. He doesn’t know how sick and miserable you are.

“You lied to him, Saul. Gave him false hope.”

  
  


Remembers that time, back on the bridge. 

Robert, standing on the edge, smoking a cigarette. He stares blankly at the water.

Relaxed. He’s resting his body on the railing of the bridge, resting his leg on his left leg. 

He feels distant.

 

Remembers his warmth, 

The slight taste of cigarette, the bitterness of smoke, as they kiss. 

  
  


“You’re right.

“We’re both horrible people,” Saul said, “Robert’s better off without us.”


	12. She prays the rosary for my broken mind

Saul. 

It’s all he has to hold on to for now.

The man in the dream calling out to him, taking his hand as they run through the forest.

What does he look like? Why can’t he remember?

Who is he?

 

He doesn’t even know why he’s being so emotional about this. 

Maybe it doesn’t even matter. Irene told him too, that she’s not sure they’re friends. Val doesn’t even remember him. 

Or is he at the point where his mind is trying to make up something… someone, to hold onto?

Is he that lonely?  _ That  _ desperate?

 

He can’t help but feel guilty too. Maybe it’s all just a lucid dream and he’s basing it off nothing. He doesn’t want to trouble Val and Irene more than he already does.

Hopefully Val doesn’t feel like anything is wrong…

...why does he feel so guilty about this?

It’s not wrong to want to remember, is it? 

  
  


“Are you ready, Val?”

“Almost,” Val replied, “Give me a second, I’m just looking for my necklace…”

He watches as Val starts rummaging through a messy drawer full of boxes, and some accessories just apparently thrown in the drawer. After a few minutes she takes out a small black box, and opens it to reveal a necklace with a pink diamond pendant. 

“That looks good.”

“Irene got it for me,” Val replied, “She said I need to start having lighter colored things in my closet, since I really like dark colors.”

Val quickly puts the necklace on and gets up from her chair. 

“Alright, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“I’ve never been there, actually,” Val said, “I don’t know. Irene picked the place, so I sure hope it’s good. I think it’s a Chinese food place or something.”

He nods slowly.

“Have you met them before, Val?”

“I’ve talked to them on the phone, but this is my first time meeting them, too.”

He smiles as he pats Val on the back. 

“Can’t believe my girl’s getting married so soon,” he said, “You grow up so quickly.”

Val sighs, “I’m twenty seven.”

“When you have your own children you’ll understand what it feels like.”

Yeah, despite everything that happened, Val is his daughter – she’ll always hold a special place in his heart. 

Val just smiles and leans in for a hug. He wraps his arms around her tightly and kisses her forehead. Val smiles and snuggles closer to him. 

 

He tries to not think what he’d do without her. 

He… really has no idea. His world has revolved around her since he woke up from his unconsciousness.

...well, at least she’ll still be here tomorrow, right?

  
  


“Oh, it’s Valerie and her dad!”

A middle aged man with white hair greets them in front of the restaurant. Val immediately recognizes him, and walks up to him. 

“Hey, dad, it’s been a while!” Val greets, shaking his hand. He shakes her hand firmly before turning to him.

“And you’re Valerie’s dad!” He shakes Robert’s hand, “Nice to meet you! Call me Adrian.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Robert said, trying to not sound too awkward – “I’m Robert.”

He’d guess that Adrian is slightly older than him – his hair is all white and slightly balding. He’s pretty skinny and wearing round framed glasses – he’s wearing a navy suit that’s perfectly tailored for his body. Damn, stylish.

“Come on in! Everyone else is waiting inside,” he said, ushering Val into the restaurant. 

“Oh, Robert, and I heard you had a little… stroke the other day?” he asks, “Are you okay now?”

“I think so. The doctor didn’t find any abnormalities or anything.”

“Oh, that’s good news. Good news.” Adrian nods happily as he throws an arm around his shoulder – “We’re not young anymore. Need to watch out for all the health issues, you know? What a bother.”

“I agree. Can’t be partying all the time anymore.”

Adrian laughs heartily as he pats his back playfully.

“You know, my wife just watches everything I do,” he said, “Don’t eat too much red meat! Don’t drink too much alcohol! Don’t eat this, don’t eat that! But it’s all ultimately good advice, I guess?”

He can’t help but laugh at that. 

If Marilyn’s still here, she’d… probably be saying that to him all the time, too. 

 

They arrive at the dining table, where Irene’s chatting with her mum and her brother. Her mum quickly gets up to greet them.

“Oh, Valerie! I’m so happy to finally meet you!”

She walks over to Val to give her a hug, before turning to Robert with a smile. 

He’d also guess she’s slightly older than him. Her stature is short, so she’s wearing heels – her hair is still perfectly silky and black, though, and neatly tied into a bun.

“Hello,” he greets as he extends his hand for a handshake, “I’m Robert. Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“I’m Monica. It’s great to see you!” she said with a big smile, “Oh, please, sit with us!”

Adrian nudges his arm slightly, a cue to sit with him. They take the empty seats next to Irene’s brother, across from the ladies. 

“Oh yeah, dad, I don’t think you met my brother,” Irene said, “Come on, Evan, where are your manners?”

“Oh, uh…” He smiles awkwardly, “Nice to meet you.”

“Hey, good to see you, man,” Robert said as he sat down. 

 

Sure seems like a big, happy family. 

He quietly wonders if his family used to be like that, too, before Marilyn died.

  
  


_ Maybe that’s why Val is so drawn to them.  _

_ They seem like a good, happy family. _

 

“Stop thinking she hates you,” Marilyn told him then.

He glances at Val, who’s merrily chatting with Irene and her mum. 

She’s been taking such good care of him all this time, but… a part of him can’t help but wonder if it’s true. 

Val is a great and amazing woman, and he’s really happy for her. Surely a dad can be proud of his daughter, right?

He’d hate to be someone who Val hates… or used to hate. 

Was he a different man then?   
  


Or maybe it is as Marilyn said. That he’s thinking too much into it, and Val doesn’t actually hate him. 

She’s been nice to him all this time, after all. If she had hated him, some of that animosity would remain, probably.

Now that he’s thinking about it, what was his father like? He can’t quite remember…

 

“Robert?”

He snaps out of his mind as he feels Adrian tap his shoulder. He must have seem particularly startled, since Adrian seems concerned.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, uh... “ He smiles nervously, “I’m fine, just, you know… a little dazed.”

“Oh, it’s fine, it’s fine!” Adrian laughs heartily, “Do you know what you maybe want to order?”

“Uhh…” He looks down at the menu in front of him, “I guess I’ll just go along with whatever you guys get?”

  
  


Saul.

Saul knew him from before all this happened, right?

Maybe he has all the answers. 

Maybe his mind is just making things up at this point. Trying to explain the gaps in his memory through the existence of this… mysterious man. 

Maybe Saul’s not even real, maybe he’s just overthinking it–

The man leading him out of the shadowy figure in the forest… but even that, all, is just a dream.

If only he can remember who he really is. 

 

But not right now. He can’t ruin this for Val nor Irene, after all. They don’t need to be hearing about his sad, existential crisis, and this Saul who’s… totally not just in his head.

Maybe he’ll think more about it once they get home.

 

“So I’ve never met this one here,” he said as he nudges Evan’s arm slightly, “Didn’t know Irene has a younger sibling.”

“And an older sister too, actually,” Adrian adds, “She’s moved to England, though.”

“Oh, good for you!” he said, “For work?”

Adrian nods, “Yeah, but now she’s also married and all that, so absolutely no chance of her coming back here.

“I mean, good for her, but it’s also kind of sad that she’s across the ocean, you know.”

“Val is a good girl,” Irene’s mum adds, “You’re so close to dad! You can take care of him if anything comes up, right?”

He can’t help but notice Val’s rather uneasy smile as she nods. 

“What, mum, you talk like Evan and I don’t care for you,” Irene pouts, “If anything happens I’ll fly back home quickly too, you know?”

“Oh, yeah, you definitely will, Irene,” Adrian said – “Evan here probably wouldn’t, though.”

“What?”

“You’ll be making up excuses like, oh no, I still have a test tomorrow, and all that,” Adrian jokes, “Right, Evan?”

“He’s still in school?” he asks, surprised – Evan doesn’t look that much younger than Irene.

“Law school,” Adrian corrects proudly. 

“Good for you, man!” he praises, “Making the big bucks, huh?”

“That,” Irene said, “And also dad used to be a lawyer.”

“Alright, alright, I see how it is…”

Adrian? 

He’s… not too surprised with that, actually, given how Adrian carries himself and how easily he gets along with him, seemingly always having something to talk about with him.

It must be nice to be such a big positive influence in your child, he can’t help but think.

 

“Hey, Val,” Irene suddenly tugs at Val’s arm, “Let’s go look at the dim sum display!”

Val furrows her brows slightly, “What’s that?”

“See? This is why you have to come with me!” Irene gets up, so Val does, too – “You guys want anything?”

“Oh, Irene, get me some fried shrimp and mayo!” Adrian said, “Or if you see any fried squid–”

“No! No squid,” Irene’s mum cuts in, “We talked about this, honey. Not too much seafood.”

“I might as well be vegetarian,” Adrian sighs, “Evan, you wanna go with them?”

“Sure…” He gets up from his seat, and follows his sister as they walk to the other side, where there’s a bunch of food carts. 

 

“You know, Robert, you’re a nice man!” Irene’s mum said with a big smile – “I mean, I know this is the first time we’ve ever met, but somehow I thought you wouldn’t this friendly.”

“Really?” He smiles, “Val talks a lot of shit behind my back, huh?”

“I don’t know… maybe I’m just misunderstanding things,” she said, “But we kind of had this impression of you that you’re not… in the best terms with Val.”

...not in the best terms with Val?

 

_ “Stop thinking she hates you.” _

Marilyn’s words rings in the back of his mind.

 

“Irene used to say Val doesn’t like talking about you,” Adrian explains, “Something about her being closer to her mum.”

That’s probably true, he thinks.

He really had no idea Val had this kind of opinion on him, though, especially since they’ve been living together. Or did he know, and just forgot, like everything else?

Maybe he should talk to her about it. If there’s anything she wants him to fix about himself, he really should do it.

“But you know, you and Irene seem to get along just fine after you moved here.”

“Irene is really nice,” he said, “Real caring. I know it’s been tough for Val with me like this, too, but she’s really patient.”

“That’s good!”

 

Wait. 

“After I moved here?”

Adrian nods, “You moved in with Val after you had your stroke. She just wants to make sure you’re fine and all that.”

 

Wait. 

But Val told him that he’s always been living with her. 

Is that… not the case, after all? Was there a period of time where they lived separately?

Does this mean she’s been lying to him?

...but why would she do that?

  
  


“Oh, food is here!”

A server places a few plates in front of them – Adrian quickly looks around to try to find Irene and the others to call them, but they’re still busy picking what to get. 

“Well, you know what, we’ll eat first,” Irene’s mum said, “Come on, Robert! Please eat!”

“Th… thank you.”

He’ll… just think about this later.

~•~

 

It’s a good two hours before they all walk out of the restaurant. 

It was a pretty pleasant conversation. There was a brief talk about marriage – but Irene and Val both said they needed more time, and since Irene’s parents seem to be alright with that, he decided not to worry, too. The rest of it was talking about Irene, Val, and Evan, and about their work.

They briefly fight over who pays the tab, but Adrian insists that they do – and he finds himself unable to argue out of it. Adrian’s the lawyer here, after all. 

 

“We’ll be in New York for a couple more days,” Adrian said, “If you want to chat or anything, just call me, okay?”

“Sure thing, buddy,” he reassured, “You two staying with Irene?”

“Yeah, you know, bother her for a little bit,” Adrian said, “Make sure she’s not living in a dumpster.”

“Lil bro helped me clean the house yesterday, don’t worry,” Irene said, “Or we can go visit Val’s apartment, too, if you want.”

“We should go drinking,” Adrian proposes – but he quickly notices his wife glaring at him, and grins, “If my wife will let me.”

“Alright, alright. See you around!”

They wave each other goodbye.

  
  


They’re finally alone, in Val’s car. She inserts her key into the ignition and starts it up.

“So,” she turns to him with a smile, “What do you think?”

“They seem nice,” he replied, “Big happy family.”

“You seem to get along with her dad really well.”

He nods. 

Adrian’s a happy, outgoing guy, and he’s raised three successful kids who all seem to maintain a good relationship with him. 

Kind of makes him… nervous. He’s such a perfect dad.

 

“Hey, Val?”

“What is it?”

 

...should he even talk about this?

Val seems to be in such a good mood, and he definitely doesn’t want to ruin it for her. Maybe he should just ask later, at home? This isn’t such a pressing matter, after all.

But a part of him is dying to know. 

If she has been lying to him, then why? 

What happened in the past?

 

“Did I only move in with you after I collapsed?”

 

He noticed Val’s face noticeably tense at this. 

She turns to glance at him, but then turns to look back at the road guiltily.

Why is she behaving like this? 

This makes him sad, too. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, shouldn’t have put Val in a spot like this… but he can’t take it back now.

 

She sighs deeply and shakes her head. 

She knew this was coming. Irene had warned her over, and over, and over again, that at some point she needs to tell him the truth. 

It was all supposed to be for Robert’s sake. So that he doesn’t need to remember everything that happened before, start new. And yet now it’s going out of hand. 

Looking back at it now, maybe she shouldn’t have done that – but at the same time, she wouldn’t have thought of any other way to do it. 

She arrives at a red light, so she stops. She turns to look at Robert…

He seems… so sad, and puzzled.

 

Is he beginning to remember?

That’s a shame. She really had hoped he can just readjust back in and accept everything…

...no, this is her fault, too.

She just… wanted, for once, to live with him happily. Let him be the dad she’d always wanted to have. 

Her mum used to tell her that deep down, Robert is a really kind, caring person. She’s never seen that growing up, but now that she has, she… just really doesn’t want the old Robert back.

What a terrible child she is. Why can’t she just… accept Robert the way he is? He is her dad, after all…

 

“Val?” 

He leans over and cups her cheek.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he said – “I’m… I’m sorry. Let’s not talk about this, then…”

Is she crying? She certainly doesn’t realize it if she is…

 

The light turns green. Part of her wants to keep driving and forget about this conversation – once they get home, it’ll just be forgotten, anyways…

 

...she pulls over instead. 

She quickly wipes her eyes, and realizes that yes, she has been tearing up.

“Val, are you okay?”

She nods. He seems really concerned–

 

This is… inevitable. A conversation that should’ve happened a long time ago, but somehow didn’t, because she chose to avoid it.

 

“Irene’s right,” she said, “I owe you the truth.

“You did move in with me after you collapsed.”

This seems to be of great surprise to him. 

“I know,” she said, “I’m… I’m sorry I’ve been lying to you.”

“So where did I live before this?”

“In Maple Bay,” she replied, “You used to live by yourself, after mum died and I went to college.”

 

He still can’t remember anything.

Val is… definitely telling him the truth, isn’t she?

She seems really pained with this, and it makes him feel bad, too. She’s been so kind to him and all, and all she gets in return is his doubts…

Right now, though, his mind is… drawing into a blank.

 

He can’t remember anything. 

Has she been telling him lies all the time? Does he know nothing but lies?

 

“You really are my daughter, right?”

She seems shocked at this question, and he feels bad instantly for even doubting that. 

He just has literally nothing else to hold on to.

 

“Shit, Val, I’m just…” 

“It’s okay,” Val said, “It’s okay. I’m sorry, pappy.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbles, “I don’t know what’s real anymore.”

She leans over to hug him, and he hugs her back firmly, almost like he’s scared he’s going to lose grasp of her. 

She can faintly hear him sobbing into her shoulder, and it just… breaks her heart. 

She just wanted him to be happy, for once, and she thought hiding the truth from him might work, but… it just ends up hurting him more. 

“It’s all my fault,” she said, “I’m sorry for lying to you.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Oh no!”

Carmensita sighs and slumps herself against the couch as the screen flashes black, with the words ‘Game Over’ written across the computer screen. Barry can’t help but laugh at her.

“Come on, Carmen, we’re almost there.”

“This game is so hard!” she whines, “Why do you always get the difficult ones anyway, Barry?”

“Well, it’s no fun if it’s easy,” he replied, “Besides, a lot of people on Youtube are playing this game…”

“We’ve played this level at least eight time now! And we have to start from scratch every time!”

“It’s alright! We’re making good progress,” he replied, “I think.”

Mat’s watching them from behind the counter while wiping down his coffee machine. It’s nice to have Barry over to hang out with Carmensita – at least she’s not sitting around doing nothing. The cafe is pretty slow at this hour anyway, but it should pick back up around three or four PM, when people need their caffeine fix.

“I need a break,” she sighs as she gets up, “You want some cookies, Barry?”

“Sure, thanks!”

So she gets up and leaves for the kitchen. Barry turns to Mat with a smile.

“Sorry if we’re being too loud…”

“Hey, it doesn’t matter. As long as you kids are having fun,” Mat replied, “By the way, you thought about working here during the summer?”

“Yeah, I’d love to!” Barry replied, “And pops said it’s okay, too. It’s good experience, he said.”

“That’s great!”

Carmensita returns with a plate of cookies, and sits back down next to Barry. 

“How’s your dad, Barry?”

“Oh, he’s… doing fine, I guess,” Barry replied with a strained smile. 

Mat knows at this point that… no, Saul is not fine. He’s been Mat’s regular customer for years now, and usually it’s just a simple order of double shot espresso every morning – and then off he goes to the station. 

It’s not secret to anyone that Saul’s always tired from working long hours at the station, but Saul’s been different recently. 

It may sound strange, but he’s been… smiling more, trying to strike up small conversation with Mat or Pablo when he’s here. 

This happened too, around the time when Bella died.

Trying to convince everyone he’s doing fine. 

 

Mat does want to ask Barry about it, because clearly he’s not going to get anything out of Saul. At the same time, he also understands that Carmensita invited him here for a good time, not to be asked too many questions…

Barry doesn’t seem to want to talk about it, either, based on his response earlier. Maybe he’ll just make it awkward if he asks more, but…

Barry really has become a lot like Saul, Mat thinks to himself. He knows how to put on a smile, pretending like he’s fine and all. Honestly, it’s become really difficult to know what’s going on between them…

 

He then hears the ring of the bell as the door opens. 

“Welcome to Coffee Spoon!” he quickly greets–

 

Walking into the store is a young woman, with long brown hair loosely tied into a side ponytail–

And behind her, a familiar figure.

 

Mat can’t help but notice Barry’s expression pales as they walk in, and even Carmensita has her jaw dropped in shock. 

Okay, Mat, get it together. Get it together. It’s Robert, alright–

The young woman takes off her sunglasses as she walks up to Mat – Robert follows behind her while looking around – his eyes quickly land on Barry and Carmensita.

“Hi, good afternoon,” she greets as she looks up at the menu – “Oh, wow.”

Ah, she must be having difficulties with the puns in the menu item names. That happens to first time customers.

“You can just tell me what you want, if you don’t want to read all that.”

“It’s fine. I’ll get a Chai Antwoord and two chicken sandwiches,” she replied before turning to Robert – “Hey, pappy…”

He’s still looking at Barry and Carmensita – both of whom are now staring back at him, dumbfounded. He forces a smile and waves at them… trying to not seem creepy, perhaps.

She gently nudges his arm, and he turns to look at the menu board. 

“Oh! Sorry.” He turns to Mat, “Godspeed coffee.”

He pauses then, seemingly surprised at himself for saying that. 

It is Robert’s usual order, though. At some point Robert had told him he likes coffee as dark as his soul – although he usually ends up adding some sugar for himself later, when he thinks Mat isn’t watching. 

“Okay, coming right up!” Mat checks their orders – “Chai Antwoord, Godspeed you black coffee, and two chicken sandwiches.”

She pays for them, and quickly said, “Thank you.”

 

“Pablo, two chicken!”

They sit down on the couch in the corner of the cafe, then. Barry and Carmensita are still watching them, as if unsure what to do.

Mat’s actually not too sure what to do, either. Right now he’s making coffee for them – 

He’s heard from Damien that Robert seems to have lost all his memories, but he very clearly just ordered something he usually does. So is he beginning to remember?

And this woman… must be his daughter. Damien briefly talked about her, too. 

...she does look like his daughter – she’s got that sharp jawline and strong brows. 

 

“Val,” he mutters, “When are we going to look for Saul?”

“After this,” she replied, “Aren’t you hungry? He’s not going to just suddenly disappear.”

“But we have to find him as soon as possible–”

“Yes, yes,” she nods patiently, “We’ll go home after this to drop our stuff, and then we can look for him, okay?”

He seems happy with this plan, and nods. 

Mat hears the doorbell ring again – seems like Barry’s walked out. He’s left his backpack and stuff with Carmensita, though.

Mat turns to Carmensita with a questioning look, and she just shrugs. 

Is he going to call Saul to come here right now? Saul’s supposed to pick him up in a couple hours anyway, but still…

The coffee machine stops, and his mind quickly returns to the orders in hand. He tops the black coffee into a cup, then turns to top the chai with some whipped cream. Mat places both the cups on a tray and walks over to them.

“Here you go,” he said, “And the sandwich will be out in a bit.”

She smiles, “Thanks.”

Mat gestures at Carmensita to watch the counter, and she quickly gets up to walk to it. MIght as well check on Barry.

  
  


“What do you mean you’re not coming?”

Barry’s talking on his phone – probably to Saul. 

“Come on, pops. They came back to Maple Bay specifically to find you,” he said, “You’re really just gonna leave them hanging like that–”

Barry’s silent for a bit as he listens to Saul, but it’s clear from his expression that he’s growing frustrated.

“Yeah, pops, I don’t understand! You’ve been sad for weeks now, but now you don’t wanna see him! What’s the logic behind that?

“Okay, then I’m going to tell them you’ll come after work – well then pops, are you just gonna hide from them the whole time they’re here?”

He’s silent again as he listens to Saul, then sighs deeply and hangs up. He turns around to walk back in, and quickly notices Mat–

“Everything okay, Barry?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Barry said, “I can’t figure out what the hell’s going on with pops for my life. He was so worried for Robert in the hospital, and now that he’s here…”

Barry sighs and shakes his head. 

“You know what, I’ll tell him,” he decides as he walks back in – “Someone’s gotta do it.”

 

Barry walks back into the cafe, and can’t help but notice that Robert’s noticed him. 

Barry walks up to him, and sits down next to him. They both seem surprised at his boldness–

Oh, he sure as hell is nervous right now, but someone has to do this anyway, right? 

He’s tired of seeing Saul be sad since Robert left anyway. Saul really does try to not show it, but Barry’s been through his mother’s death – he’s seen how Saul reacts to sorrow, and it sure as hell looks like how he’s been acting this past few weeks. 

How could he say he’s not going to do anything about Robert now that he’s back? What’s stopping him, is he scared?

Anyway, that’s for him to resolve with Saul later. He still is going to do everything in his power to make Saul happy, though. 

Because that’s just… how Saul is. Always pretending like everything is fine when it’s not. 

Barry’s just… sick of that tough act.

What’s stopping Saul from telling him what’s going on anyway? He’s his son – doesn’t Saul know that he’ll always listen, no matter how silly his concerns are? 

 

“Mr. Robert Small, right?”

Barry smiles and extends his hand for a handshake. Robert smiles hesitantly and shakes his hand.

“My name is Barry Graves,” he introduces himself, “I’m Saul’s son.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, you!”

Was that for him?

Saul keeps walking down the street, ignoring the calls behind him. Walking around the city at night does make him a little wary – people are up to no good sometimes, and while he can always physically fight them, he’d rather avoid trouble tonight. He’s just out here to get some food, anyway. 

“Yeah, you! In the green shirt!”

Oh, he is… wearing a green T-shirt. Maybe they are calling him…

He turns around slightly, to see who it is that’s calling him. 

A girl is standing a few feet behind him, with four other girls around her – but she’s excitedly waving her hand at him. She has short, curly hair, and she’s wearing a tight black dress – 

Damn, she’s pretty, Saul can’t help but think to himself.

Clearly she’s out partying with her friends. Why is she suddenly calling him? They don’t even know each other…

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, sir,” one of her friends said – “She’s like, super drunk right now, I’m sorry...”

“No, you!” She points at Saul now – “I know this guy! Give me a second…”

“No, girl, you don’t,” her friend said, “Come on, let’s get you home.”

So it’s really nothing important after all. This makes Saul feel a little relieved…

Still, that girl seems pretty drunk. She’s got her arm wrapped around her friend’s shoulder, who has to help her walk since she’s pretty unstable…

Common sense says that he should probably just leave and not deal with a drunk crowd, but… he’d also feel terrible to know that he’s not going to help in this kind of situation. Things happen when you’re drunk, after all – sometimes just stupid things, sometimes pretty dangerous things. 

Besides, that girl seems… pretty genuinely drunk, and her friends seem concerned. 

“You guys need help?” he asks as he walks closer to them – “I can drive you to wherever you need to be.”

“Oh, no, I think we’re fine,” one of her friends replied – “I just called an Uber. They should be arriving pretty soon…”

“Hey, handsome~” The drunk girl lets go of her friends and tipsily walks up to him – “Where did you go to high school?”

Oh well, she’s… really drunk. Um.

She looks like she’s about to fall over, so Saul quickly catches her and helps her back up to her feet. She smiles at this, and quickly wraps her arms around his stomach, holding onto him like a koala holding onto a tree.

“Oh my god, Bella! Stop it!” “Dude, I’m so sorry about her.”

“It’s alright,” Saul replied nervously – he’s flattered to be called handsome, but of course anyone would be embarrassed if a drunk stranger hugged them in public.

“I went to East River High School,” Bella said, “You… you look familiar. Did you go there?”

“Yeah, uh, I… I did.” 

“See!” She turns to her friends excitedly, “I’m right after all! What’s your name, man?”

“I’m… I’m Saul,” he replies – and instantly regrets it. He didn’t have to give his real name to this stranger.

“Oh!” She nods with a big smile, “Saul! You were… uh…”

Her words trail  off – she probably can’t really remember anything in her drunken state.

“Oh crap, the Uber bailed on us.”

“I don’t mind driving you guys, if it’s not too far,” Saul offers again–

“Oh my god! We should hang out more!” Bella suddenly exclaimed, “I haven’t met any guys from my old high school!”

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best,” Saul decided – he needs to get out of this situation somehow, “I’m not parked too far away from here.”

“Oh my god, thank you so much. I’m really sorry about our friend...”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

~•~

  
  


So Robert’s back, isn’t he.

Saul sighs deeply and lightly massages his forehead. 

It’s still about three hours from when he has to pick Barry up from the cafe, and honestly, he’s suddenly not too sure if he wants to go. He can just ask Mat to drive Barry home, and then do some overtime work so he can avoid Barry. He knows it’s not going to be a pleasant conversation, especially judging by how Barry ended that phone call…

_ “Are you just going to hide from them the whole time they’re here?” _

Well, if they hadn’t come back here, it would’ve been even easier, since he can just forget the whole thing. 

He told Valerie to make sure to get Robert out of town, but… now she’s here with him.

Did something happen that was… so pressing that they had to come back?

  
  


_ “I know that you love Robert, too. But not the way you loved your wife. A twisted sort of love.  _

_ “Robert has to love me, and nobody else.” _

 

Get out of my head. 

 

A part of him does want to see Robert. He hasn’t seen Robert in a while, after all…

It’s probably not a good idea though.

It’s really risky, though. Maybe Joseph is still watching. In that case, he can’t really go see him… 

This is a warning, after all, both for him and for Robert. All along he’d been watching to make sure Robert doesn’t slip up and say anything incriminating to him – and what easier way to prevent that than to erase his memories of what happened? If there’s no victim, no testimony, no evidence, Saul basically has nothing against him. 

Still, just the simple fact that Robert has returned her, that Val wasn’t able to stop him from coming back…

...he’s looking for him, too. Is he beginning to remember? 

It’s… good in a sense that he might remember enough to tell Saul what happened, but at the same time, Saul really wishes he doesn’t need to relive that shit – just forget about it and go on with life. He was living with Valerie, everything was going so well–

 

Calm down, Saul. There’s nothing that can be done about it now…

...think of a plan. How to move forward – how to not hurt Robert even more. 

That sounds pretty solid. More than anything, prioritize Robert’s safety and well-being. He can worry about Joseph tracking them down later.

 

_ “Pops?” _

“Hey, Barry,” he said, “Ask them if they need somewhere to stay for tonight.”

There’s a brief silence on the line, and Saul braces himself for whatever Barry’s about to say–

 

_ “Oh, that’s my dad!”  _ He hears Barry say – probably to Robert or Val.  _ “You guys wanna stay at our place tonight?” _

_ “Oh, uh… I mean… Val said we can go back to my house…” _

Oh, that’s Robert, alright.

_ “I mean, you guys haven’t been there for a while, it’s probably dirty and stuff. You can just stay with us tonight and go clean it up tomorrow, what do you think?” _

A moment of silence – Saul can feel his heart race. This is pretty terrifying – 

Then Barry returns to the phone.

_ “They said okay.” _

“Good. I’ll be there in a couple hours, okay?”

And he hangs up. 

“Fuck,” he thinks to himself, “This is probably a bad idea.”

...but it’s not like he can think of anything better. 

~•~

Barry has a big grin on his face as Saul pulls up into the parking spot. 

“Thanks, pops!” he said, “I’ll go get them real quick.”

Saul just sighs as he watches Barry run back into the cafe. He wonders how Barry would react if he hadn’t come here…

As much as Barry is a good, obedient son, he can be pretty stubborn, especially if he believes he’s in the right. In this case, there’s no doubt that Barry is in the right – Saul just… had to sit down and take an hour before he can make up his mind. 

...is this really the right thing to do?

Well, he can’t back out of it now, anyways. 

 

No, this is absolutely the right thing to do. Especially since he’s trying to keep Joseph as far away from Robert as possible. 

What happened to Bella… doesn’t need to happen to Robert. He already had a close brush with death – Saul must keep a closer eye on him now. 

 

Barry walks out of the cafe again, carrying his backpack – Val and Robert follow behind him. Robert’s staring intently at the car…

Okay, Saul, calm down. Time to put on a good face.

Barry gets into the passenger seat next to Saul, while Val and Robert both take the back seat.

“Haven’t seen you guys in a while,” Saul turns around to greet them – “How are you doing?”

“Pretty good,” Val replied with a smile. Robert nods in agreement – although he just stares at Saul, as if dumbfounded. 

“Irene’s not here with you today?”

“Well, she still has her work to do,” Val replied – “Also this trip was kind of unplanned, so…”

“I see.” 

Saul turns to Robert with a smile, but Robert… doesn’t say anything, just stares at him blankly. 

Maybe a lot of thoughts are going through his head, too. That’s fine.

 

The rest of the car ride is silent. 

Barry’s looking at something on his phone, while Saul’s focused on driving. 

Val looks over at Robert, who seems to be looking out of the window intently, as if trying to commit everything to memory. 

It sure is a funny coincidence that they happened to meet Barry at the cafe…

What would happen if they hadn’t? It’s not like they know where Saul lives, and she’d be too scared to try to call him and ask him to meet…

She’s actually still pretty surprised that Saul even agreed to all of this, actually… he told her to get Robert out of town, after all. Is he perhaps angry that she couldn’t even do that? 

...well, if he is, he certainly isn’t showing any of it. 

 

It’s not an awkward kind of silence, but it just feels… off. 

Maybe because Val has a million questions to ask Saul – she just doesn’t really want to do it in front of Robert, so maybe later tonight…

But god, she’s been itching to ask him. 

“There’s something that detective isn’t telling us,” Irene told her before she left, and she thinks so, too. There must have been a good reason for Saul to make Robert leave the city…

“Anyway,” Saul suddenly said, “Damien’s waiting for us at my house.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He’s fine, doing well,” he replied, “Did he contact you guys at all?”

“Yeah, just kinda texted us to ask how we’re doing.”

She turns to Robert, who seems to be listening, but still confused, nevertheless. 

“Damien’s the one who found you and called the hospital,” she explains. 

“I guess I should thank him,” Robert said with a strained smile, “I must have made a lot of people worry…”

“It’s not your fault,” Saul said suddenly – “People get sick all the time anyway. It’s good that you’re still here with us.”

“That’s right…”

  
  


Damien and Mary are already waiting in front of Saul’s house by the time they arrived. Mary quickly gets up and runs over to the car as soon as Robert opens the door–

“Oh my god, Rob! I’m so glad you’re okay!” she exclaims as he pulls Robert into a hug. Robert seems confused, but smiles and nods in agreement. 

“My god, I haven’t seen you in so long!” she said, quickly scanning him from head to toe – “Is it just me or have you gotten a little fatter?”

“...really?”

“Well, that’s okay,” she replied, “That means Val’s taking good care of you. Good girl.”

Saul gets out of the car, too, and stares at Mary. She looks back at him with a little grin. 

“Well, big guy, I know I shouldn’t be here,” she said – “But like, please. I’ll go home after this.”

“It’s my fault, really,” Damien said – “You know, we were at the shelter when you called me, so I decided to bring her along…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Saul sighs. 

Shouldn’t be here? Val can’t help but wonder what she means by that.

“But you look healthy, Robert!” Damien told him with a smile – “It’s good to see you again.”

“Uh…” Robert turns to Val with a puzzled look – clearly asking for help. 

“Oh, pappy, he’s not a vampire,” Val said, “This is Damien. And that’s Mary.”

“Don’t quite remember everything yet, huh?” Mary jokes – “Don’t worry about it too much. Just know we’re all your friends, okay?”

 


	15. Chapter 15

Val hasn’t seen Robert this happy in a while.

Mary and Damien were very friendly to him, treating him like an old friend who’s been gone for a while – and Robert seems to be loving the attention they’re giving him. Saul, on the other hand, seems a bit more restrained – sort of blurring into the background, occasionally throwing in a comment to whatever they’re talking about. 

Val can’t help but… feel bad, too. Clearly Robert’s more comfortable, more in his element here with his friends, even if he doesn’t really remember them. Compared to staying at the apartment all day…

...yeah, she really could’ve done better. 

Suddenly there’s a loud beep while they were talking – everyone sort of pauses, then, and turns to Mary – the sound seems to be coming from her.

“Oh, shit,” Mary sighs – she pulls out her phone from her pocket and takes a quick look at the name of the caller–

“Well, guess who it is,” she said as she got up – “Give me a second, fellas.”

And so she walks away into the kitchen. Saul turns to watch her leave–

“Anyway,” Damien said, trying to restart the conversation, “I suppose the two of you will stay in Maple Bay for some time?”

“Well, that’s… something we need to talk about,” Robert replied, “I guess I haven’t been here for a while, and Val definitely can’t leave her job back at the city, so…”

“No, Robert, let’s say the decision is up to you,” Damien continued – “Would you rather stay here?”

“I mean…” Robert turns to Val, “Really, I just want things to go back to the way they are.”

“You don’t like staying in Brooklyn with me, pappy?”

“Of course I do,” he replied with a smile – although Val now finds herself having reasonable evidence to doubt that – “At least I have to see you and Irene get married, right?”

“Oh my, is it going to happen soon?”

“Uh…” Thanks, Robert, “We haven’t really decided on a date yet, but…”

“Good for you two!” Saul said with a smile – Damien nods in agreement. Oh, having the dads’ approval does make her feel good.

“Okay, boys,” Mary said, reemerging from the kitchen – “Time for me to go.”

“Man, did something come up?”

“No, just the kids, you know,” Mary replied as she grabbed her coat – “No, Dames, you stay here and keep Robbie company. I’ll go by myself.”

“Let me walk you out,” Saul said as he gets up and follows her – “I’ll be right back.”

“See you around, sailor. Take care, will ya?” Mary said as she gives Robert a quick hug, before heading for the door. 

 

“Thank you so much for coming.”

“Please, please. I have to come to see my special boy.”

Mary finishes putting on her coat as she steps out of the house. She turns to look at Saul–

“How are you feeling?”

“Me?” Saul asks back – “I’m fine.”

“Fuck you’re not,” she snaps at him, “Let’s be real here, neither of us wants Rob to come back.”

Saul doesn’t reply to that.

“But you know what,” she sighs, “Let’s do our best here, okay?”

He nods, “Yes, ma’am.”

“If anyone can protect Rob now, it’s you, detective.”

  
  
  
~•~

“Mommy!”

As soon as Mary opens the door, Christine gets up from her seat and runs over to her – Christian, too, gets up from his chair and quickly follows her. Joseph could only sigh.

“Hey, babies, I’m back,” she greets them as she closes the door. Christine quickly hugs her legs, so Mary pets her head. 

“I don’t want to do homework anymore, mommy!”

“Oh, you guys sure had a lot of fun while I was gone, huh?” she turns to look at Joseph, “Well, you have to finish it now so you can sleep early.”

“But I want to play Sparkle Pony!”

“Christine, honey, you can play after you finish this,” Joseph tries to bargain, “Please, honey, you still have a page left.”

“Does Christine want a cookie?” Mary asks as she takes out a box from her purse – “Here, Dames made them.”

“Cookie!” She grabs the box excitedly. 

“You finished your homework, Christian?” Mary asks, and the boy shakes his head – “Okay, you and Christine can share the cookies, then.”

“It’s the hamburger cookie!”

“It’s called a macaron, Christine,” Joseph corrects her – she turns to him with a pout. 

“I’m not giving daddy any!”

“Oh no!” Joseph dramatically clutches his chest and makes a sad face, “Christine is such a meanie!”

“That’s for making me do math!”

“Where’s Chris?”

She walks over to his room and opens the door. Chris is sitting on the bed, clearly surprised that she suddenly opens the door – but he seems to be reading a book… or playing his phone, which is right next to the book, and the screen is lit…

“And what are you up to, young man?”

“I’m… I’m reading! For Spanish Class!” he replies, and she decides not to press it. She closes the door on her way out.

“Have you just been doing homework with the kids?”

“Well,” Joseph shrugs, “I definitely didn’t expect it to take this long.”

“How’s Damien?” Joseph asks – “Where did you guys go for dinner?”

“It’s this place… god, can’t remember what it’s called now,” she replied, “It’s a seafood place. Pretty good, but their wine list is really small, so I didn’t get any.”

“You guys talk about anything interesting?”

“Oh, get off my case, honey,” Mary replied, “Just boring stuff. Like who’s adopting which dog, the hot gossip around town…”

“Basically what you talk about with the church ladies all the time?”

“I mean, sure, if you wanna say that,” she said, “I’m gonna take a shower real quick.”

“Sure, sure.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a while and is kinda short!! i spent a few days coding a game for saul and u can see it here! http://worldofbirbs.tumblr.com/post/167746028111/saul-dating-route


	16. Chapter 16

Morning.

Barry sighs as he hits his alarm to stop it, and rolls over in his bed. Just a bit more time in bed…

There’s also the fact that this isn’t really his own room – he’s sleeping on a couch in the game room to accommodate Val and Robert, but staying on the couch is still better than getting up for school. 

_ “It’s not your fault. I’ll figure something out.” _

Oh, right. Now that he’s in the game room, he can really hear whatever’s going on in the living room. 

Who is Saul talking to, he wonders. 

_ “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him–” _

Oh, it’s Val.

_ “It’s fine. If you hadn’t, I’m sure he’d remember it eventually.” _

_ “What… should we do now?” _

_ “I’ll take care of it from here. You’ll need to go back to New York soon, right?” _

_ “Yeah, I have to leave tomorrow, we have an important project coming up.” _

_ “I understand. That’s fine.” _

This all sounds… kind of interesting.

He knows Saul’s been pretty worried about Robert the whole time he’s gone. He doesn’t really know why, and he doesn’t really care – Saul’s known for worrying about the smallest things, after all. 

Maybe he should get up and listen too.

 

“Morning, Barry.”

“Oh, hey, pops,” Barry greets. Saul’s sitting on the dining table, leaving through some papers, while Bal sits across from him. The smell of coffee is pretty strong in the living room, too. 

Barry places his backpack on the couch and walks over to the fridge. He takes out a box of poptarts, and puts a packet into the toaster.

“You have a test today, right?” Saul asks – “What is it again, physics?”

“Yeah, uh…” He smiles sheepishly, “I guess I’ll just hope for the best. I did all the practice worksheets, though.”

“If you can’t do it, I bet none of your friends can, either,” Saul remarks, “You’ll be fine.”

“Well said, pops.”

The pop tart reemerges from the toaster, making a loud clack as it does so. Barry carefully picks them up with his fingertips, trying to not burn his hand, and puts them on a plate. Finally he sits down in front of Saul on the dining table–

A bunch of papers, as usual. When he was younger he’d sometimes try to look through them – only to have Saul tell him it’s some classified document and if he looks at it the FBI will come after him. He knows it’s bullshit now, but he doesn’t look anyway. 

He can’t help but notice how… tired Saul looks. Not that he usually doesn’t look tired, but… just more tired than usual. Well, he knows what’s up at this point. 

“You didn’t sleep last night?”

“Yeah…” Saul chuckles lightly, “Don’t know why.”

Val seems pretty concerned at this remark. 

“And here I thought you’d finally be chill after Robert comes back.”

Saul just sighs. 

“I’m going to drive Val and Robert back to their house before I go to work,” he said, “Are you doing anything after school today?”

“Nope,” Barry said, “I can go help out at Robert’s place.”

“Are you sure? You can just go to Mat’s place…”

“Yeah, we can handle it,” Val said, “You can just go home if you want to.”

“No, it’s fine,” Barry replied, “It’s not like I have a ton of homework tonight.”

“You don’t have to, you know?” Saul asks – “It’s not like you ever help me clean the house.”

Barry blushes a little at that callout. 

“But, uh… still,” Barry turns to Val, “What do you think?”

“I mean…” Val glances at Saul to make sure he’s going to agree – and he’s just smiling – “More hands on deck, I guess?”

“Okay! I’ll be there after school.”

“You better help me clean the house this weekend, boy,” Saul said, and Barry smiles sheepishly. 

  
  
  
  


Robert’s wakes up about an hour later, and they’re off. 

Val’s sitting in the back seat, and it’s… tensely silent. 

Val has a lot of questions to ask Saul, and she knows Robert has a lot of questions too, but right now both of them are a little too scared to talk to Saul…

...why, though? Saul’s proven to be pretty nice and trustworthy, after all. 

It’d be too awkward, too weird, to just ask him, wouldn’t it? Although Val would bet that if she isn’t here, Robert and Saul would be having a pretty pleasant conversation – maybe she should say something to break the ice?

“You have any plans tonight?”

“Oh, me?” Robert asks – “Well, uh, I… don’t think so.”

“You wanna go out later tonight?” Saul asks – “Just like the good old days, you know?”

“Sure.” Robert nods with a smile, “Should Val come along?”

Now Val’s left wondering if she’s just being the third wheel here.

“It’s fine. I need to get some work done tonight anyway,” Val replied – that should leave the two dads with plenty of time to… catch up.

“I’ll come pick you up after work then, how does that sound? Around eight o’clock, give or take.”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

Finally arrived at home.

It… looks exactly the same as they left it weeks ago. Maybe it’s going to be dustier inside, though.

Robert’s car is parked in the back, and his grass is overgrown – well, not like he ever mows the lawn anyway. 

Robert stares at all of this with wonder and excitement. It’s like he’s relearning, rediscovering his life.

“I used to live here?”

“Yeah,” Saul replied – “Mary lives in the white house over there, the one with the anchor, you see?”

“Wow, that’s a pretty big house!”

“Yeah, she’s got like, four kids,” Saul replied – “And the black house there is Damien’s. I don’t think he’s home, though.”

“Oh…” Robert turns to look at it, “Nice statues.”

“Thank you for driving us here, sir.”

“Oh please, don’t worry about it,” Saul said, “I’ll come back later to take you to dinner, okay, Robert?”

 

They get out of the car, and Val opens the door for them.

As soon as the door opens, there’s a strong smell coming from inside the house. 

This smells like… alcohol, mostly, and something going bad. Maybe some food that’s been left outside.

“Smells nasty.”

“Sure it does,” Val said as they both step in – “Quite a mess too.”

Val turns on the light, and he too realizes what a mess it is in the house – clothes strewn around the floor, trash all over the place – he’s feeling rather embarrassed… did he really live like this?

There’s a lot of empty bottles around the house, and all their labels seem to indicate that they used to contain alcohol. Is it even possible for someone to drink that much?

 

Val first turns to the kitchen, and takes out the trash. That must be what’s causing that godawful smell. 

“Can you look for more trash bags?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

He opens the cabinets in the kitchen – they’re mostly filled with snacks inside, or more alcohol – so he turns to what has to be the pantry door. 

Ah, right there on the floor, there’s a bunch of trash bags.

As Val steps out to throw away the trash, he too starts to pick up some of the bottles he can see and threw them into the trash.

“I was quite a drinker, huh?”

“Hell yeah you were,” Val replied, “You were quite a mess.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Val said with a little smile – “I mean, you’re not doing that anymore.”

“Was I always like that?”

“That’s kind of a difficult question,” Val replied – “I feel like it became worse after mum died. It was around the time I left for college too, so nobody could rein you in.”

As he continues cleaning, he feels like he can understand why Val doesn’t want to talk to him about his past. It’s just such an embarrassment. 

But maybe this is a chance for him to fix it. He’s back in his own house, he’s got Val’s full support, and he has his friends here, too–

“Good morning!”

He turns to the voice greeting him – 

Someone’s at the door. A blonde man wearing a pink polo shirt and shorts, and he’s followed by a pair of twins, a boy and a girl, wearing outfits with matching pink color with a blue sweater tied around his neck. 

“Uncle Robert!”

The twins excitedly run up to him to give him a hug. 

Oh, crap. He doesn’t remember any of them – he still smiles and gives both the kids a hug cause... heck, they’re pretty cute. 

“Hello, Mr. Christiansen.”

“Val! Robert! It’s so nice to see both of you again!” the man greets as he steps in. He quickly walks up to Robert and gives him a hug. 

“How are you feeling, buddy?”

“I’ve been… doing well, thank you.”

What’s this guy’s name again?”

“It’s good to have you back!” he said – “You’re feeling healthy now? No longer having headaches or anything?”

“No, not really,” Robert replied. 

“Good! I’m happy you’re recovering so well,” he said – “Anyway, you know, we live next door so just come over if you need anything, okay?”

He lives… next door? So does he live with Damien, or with Mary? It’s kind of confusing –

Wait, but Damien mentioned only having a son. So this must be Mary’s husband. 

“Of course, thank you though!”

“Okay, I gotta drop the kids off to their school now,” he said – “Come on, you two.”

“Can we come visit later?”

“Yes, tonight after you do all your homework,” the man said – “I hope you’re not busy tonight, Robert?”

“Oh, uh… I’m going to meet someone for dinner.”

“That’s fine! We can come over tomorrow, maybe,” he said as he ushers the kids out – “See you around, Robert!”

“Thanks!”

 

And so they left. 

“So that’s Mary’s husband, right?” he asks Val – “What’s his name?”

“That’s Joseph.”

“Oh, come on, don’t pull my leg, Val.”

“I’m serious!” she said with a laugh, “As cheesy as that sounds.”

“Please tell me they have a kid named Jesus.”

“I don’t know that, but I hope so,” Val said, as he breaks into giggles. 

 

He really hasn’t been here in a while. 

He takes a look at the framed pictures on the living room wall. There’s a family picture of him, Val, and a lady who has to be Marilyn. He looks much younger in the picture, and so is Val – they seem to have taken this picture during a holiday trip or something.

It’s nice to finally see her outside of that horrible dream.

 

Maybe they were happy once. 

Kind of sad that all he can remember now is the circumstances of… the car crash, her death.

He wants to remember more about her – what kind of person she was, how their relationship was –

Heck, he’d love to know more about himself, too. 

Right now it feels like he’s trying to rebuild a broken mirror. Trying to piece together his memories to form a complete, if imperfect, picture.

 

“Looking at mum?”

He nods with a smile.

“How old were you in this picture?”

“I don’t know. High school?” She walks over to look at the picture – “God, I look so bad in that picture.”

“What do you mean? You look cute as a button.”

She sighs, “Pappy…”

“I mean, you’re still cute now,” Robert said, poking her cheek. 

“Extra cute now, ever since I figured out contouring.”

  
  


Cleaning went pretty smoothly for the rest of the day, although he definitely didn’t work as quickly as he could. Sometimes he’d find a photo, or some memento from the past, and stare at it for some time while thinking, trying to remember. 

It was around 5 PM when there’s another knock on the door, and this time around it’s Barry.

“Hey, Robert!”

“Hey,” he greets him – “You really did come.”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Nothing much. I guess we’ve been getting a fair amount of cleaning done,” he replied – “How was school?”

“It was fine. I had a test that I think I did fine on, so…” he grins, “Let’s hope for the best, I guess.”

“Hey, Barry!” Val calls out from the back. 

“Hey, Val! Need help?”

“Nah, I think we’re doing fine,” Val replied as she emerges from the storage closet with a vacuum cleaner in her hands, “How’s the second floor?”

“I’ve cleaned my room,” Robert replied, “Your bedroom seems pretty okay. I probably never went in there anyway.”

“Maybe it needs to be vacuumed too, since it’s been such a long time,” she sighs. 

“You wanna stay in there tonight?”

“I can just take the couch,” Val replied as she turns to Barry – “I guess you can just chill with my dad.”

“Are you sure? I can help vacuum–”

“No, it’s all good,” Val replied – “It shouldn’t take me long anyway.”

“Come on, Val, give me a little something to do,” Barry said, “I mean, I’ve come all the way here.”

“Well, if you insist,” Val sighs – “Wanna fold laundry?”

“Sure.”

Val points to the washing machine, and soon he’s off. Robert watches as Barry puts the dry clothes into a basket, then transfers what’s in the washer into the dryer and starts the machine. 

“These are all mostly your clothes, huh, Robert?”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s chill. I don’t do laundry until I’ve worn all my shirts at least four times,” Barry said – “Don’t tell pops, though, he’s gonna be so mad.”

Barry sits down on the couch and starts folding the shirts. Robert… tries to help, by digging through the laundry and finding the things he should fold himself.

“Robert, come on. You must be tired from cleaning all day,” Barry said, “Let me do it.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll just help you out a little,” Robert replied – “Besides, Val was the one doing all the hard work. I was mostly organizing stuff.”

“Hey, that’s still some pretty hard work, you know.”

“Kind of gives me a funny feeling,” Robert said, “I just… don’t remember anything, everything feels so detached, but… I guess there are some important things I should try to remember.”

Barry just nods.

“Like, earlier, Mary’s husband came to say hi,” Robert said – “And it feels so weird. I don’t really remember Mary to start with, but she’s really sweet, and Joseph seems nice, too. Feels like I’m suddenly a stranger, you know?”

“You’ll get to know everyone again in time,” Barry said – “I’m sure everyone would love to have you back, too. You used to be the life of the party.”

“Oh, nice.”

Barry pulls out a blue sweater from the stack, and starts to fold it.

“Hold up,” he said suddenly – “I think I’ve seen this sweater before.”

“You mean, you saw me wear it?”

“Oh! I remember now,” Barry exclaimed, “I think pops drove you to our house once when you were really drunk, and we gave this to you to change into.”

He and Saul were… that friendly?

“Yeah, I think that’s right,” Barry said as he further examines the sweater – “This is the brand of clothes pops usually gets.”

“I mean... if it belongs to Saul, you can take it back,” Robert said – “Definitely don’t want him to be looking for it.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Barry said as he proceeds to fold it – “He’ll ask for it if he needs it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I mean, I’ll tell him that it’s here, but I don’t think he needs it urgently,” Barry said.

“Can I look at it?”

“Sure.”

Barry hands it over to Robert – Robert takes it and tries to put it on to himself.

The sweater’s… way too big for him. He can tell that the sleeves are too long, and he must look ridiculous in it too, based on the look on Barry’s face.

But it’s… really warm, and soft, and comfy. Who cares what he looks like if he’s not wearing it outside?

“Yeah,” Robert said, “I think I’ll keep this one for now.”

“No problem, man.”

“I guess me and Saul were really close, huh?”

“Well, how do I put this…” Barry pauses to think as he continues folding – “You’d usually go out drinking with Mary, get drunk enough, and then call pops to come get you.

“I guess pops is that kind of guy who looks out for everyone,” he went on, “I mean, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but lately I’ve just been feeling like it’s taken a toll on him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know he’s been pretty worried for you while you’re gone, but you’re fine now,” Barry said – “I… don’t know, I guess. He just always has something to worry about.”

“Just part of his personality, I guess?”

“My mum used to say that pops is the kind of guy to look out for others, and forget to look inside for himself,” Barry said, “I can kinda see how that’s true now.”

 


	17. Me and God, we don't get along

The last time he was here…

The last time they were here, Robert was standing on the other side of the railing.

It was nighttime like this, too. 

Saul still doesn’t quite know why, even now. 

Was he planning to jump, and the only reason that he didn’t was because Saul happened to pass by just in time?

 

What if he hadn’t caught Robert in time then? 

Feels so strange to think about it even now. It was such a close brush with death – a little too close for Saul’s liking. 

 

Robert’s still here, though, sitting on the passenger seat next to him. 

He’s completely different now. Saul has always known that Robert just has to have his guard up at all times, as if building this barrier around him, only letting certain people get close to him. Saul was somehow in that group of people, although Robert never lets his guard down around him the way he does with Mary – keeping him at arm’s length. 

Saul knows damn well why, although Robert wouldn’t remember it now.

 

Saul opens his glove drawer and takes out a packet of cigarettes with a lighter. 

“Want one?”

“I haven’t exactly smoked in a while…”

“That’s fine,” Saul said as he puts one between his lips and lights it – “You weren’t much of a smoker anyway.”

“I guess I was way more into drinking, huh?”

Saul nods with a little laugh. 

“You remember that?”

“I mean, there were a lot of empty bottles around the house,” Robert replied, “Barry also talked to me about how I used to call you when I’m drunk.”

“Yeah, that happens.”

“We also found one of your sweaters at my place,” Robert said – “I was thinking to give it back to you after you dropped me home later.”

“My sweater?”

“Barry said you lent it to me when I was drunk once.”

“I mean, that probably happened,” Saul said – ”You can just keep the sweater, though.”

“Are you sure you don’t need it back?”

Saul nods. 

“I mean, you look kinda cute in it too.”

Robert looks away, slightly flustered. 

 

Right, that’s the most important thing right now. 

Robert probably doesn’t remember what happened to him anymore, and that’s okay. He deserves to put all those awful things behind him–

He’s never seen Robert smile so much, or get along so well with Val. 

He deserves happiness, too. 

 

“How was Brooklyn?”

“It was pretty nice,” he replied, “I got along with Val pretty well.”

“That’s nice.”

He turns to look at Saul nervously. He’s had so many questions in his mind, but he’s… just not sure how to ask them. Is it going to sound weird for Saul, too?

“I gotta come clean to you about something,” Saul said – “I was the one who told Val to take you to Brooklyn.”

“Wait, you did?”

Saul nods calmly. 

“You needed someone to take care of you,” Saul replied, “And I suppose I could do it, but it’d be better if it was her, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “I suppose.”

This is all making Robert really wonder just how much he knows… or doesn’t know. 

But Saul kind of made the right call. Val has been really patient and took care of him well…

He can’t help but think about the fact that Val’s leaving tomorrow. He’s going to be living alone again…

Thinking about it kind of makes him sad. 

“What made you think about coming back to Maple Bay?”

“I just don’t wanna bother Val more than I should,” he replied, “And I mean, this is where I belong, right?”

“...I guess you can put it that way,” Saul said.

 

“What kind of person was I, Saul?”

“Pretty much what you’re like now, but a lot more reckless,” Saul replied – “You had me worrying for you all the time, you know that?”

“Really?”

Saul smiles and nods. 

“Barry said you’re the kind of guy who worries about everything all the time.”

“Well, what can I say? He’s not wrong.” Saul grins, “My wife used to tell me that all the stress will kill me someday, but I haven’t really figured out how to deal with it.”

 

Think back to the dream. 

Standing alone in the dark forest. Leaves rustling around him.

The shadow, towering in front of him – something shining at the center of it.

He can’t really remember what it is now. It was a dream, after all. 

 

Marilyn sitting next to him, looking out of the window, her body limp on the passenger seat as blood drips from her head. 

He tries to free himself from the wreckage, tries reaching out to her. He has to help her–

 

Someone grabs him and starts running away from the shadow. 

He turns to look at Robert, but it’s too dark in this forest, he can’t make out his face. 

Suddenly he disappears. 

He’s brought Robert to safety, and then, just as suddenly as he’d appeared, he vanished.

  
  


He’s here now, isn’t he?

He still doesn’t quite know why he chose to call out to Saul in that forest. He couldn’t remember anything else when he woke up in the hospital – couldn’t even remember his own name, couldn’t even remember Val–

Saul must’ve been… someone important to him, right?

He feels safe and comfortable enough with Saul around, after all.

 

Ah, there’s so many questions he should ask, but they’re all… pretty weird and awkward, he’s not sure how to start.

 

“Hey, Robert?”

Saul suddenly turns to him with a smile. 

“You trust me, right?”

“Of course,” Robert said, “I mean, you’re my friend. And you seem pretty nice, too.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello saul i would like to report a murder  
> double chapter update by the way!!! sorry i'm kind of in a writing block bc this au is getting dark Very quickly Very soon

“You’ve got everything?”

“I think so.”

Val steps out of the house, with Robert helping her carry her suitcase. Damien follows behind them. 

The Uber’s outside, waiting for her. Robert helps load the suitcase to the trunk. 

“Okay then.” Robert pats her back, “Be safe, okay?”

Val nods. 

 

She doesn’t really want to leave, if possible, but… she has to. 

Kind of makes her sad now. 

She’s been living with Robert for a few weeks now, getting along with him better than she ever has in at least seven years – 

It feels like, for the first time, she truly saw in him what her mum must’ve seen in him too. 

Why can’t things just… stay like this forever? It’s gonna feel so lonely now when she goes back to her apartment and he’s not there…

 

“You okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” Val replied, “Just… a little sad.”

Isn’t it strange, that back then she just wanted to leave the house, cut all ties with him – and now it’s the opposite?

“Come visit us often, Val,” Damien said, “We’ll miss you around here.”

“Thank you so much for all your help up till now, Damien,” Val said, shaking his hand. 

“Don’t worry about Robert. We’ll keep an eye on him.”

“He’s right,” Robert replied, “Focus on your work, but don’t work too hard either, okay?”

“You too, pappy. Please take care of yourself.”

“I will,” Robert replied, “Call me when you get home.”

“Definitely.”

“Alright.”

Robert suddenly wraps his arms around her tightly, holding her close for a few seconds–

She doesn’t say anything, just silently hugs him back as tight as she can. She feels him leaning over to kiss her forehead–

Try to remember his touch, his warmth…

She almost doesn’t let go by the time he does. 

“You should go before I start ugly crying,” Robert mutters, “Say hi to Irene for me too.”

 

The driver confirms the destination, and she waves at Robert and Damien one last time as they leave. 

She can see them still watching her as the car drives away. 

It’s going to be okay, she tells herself. Robert’s been doing fine without her all these years, and now that he’s here, he’s got Damien, he’s got Saul, he’s got Mary...

She just… has to deal with worrying for him, but that’s okay. She’ll eventually get used to it, and she can always call to check on him. 

  
  
  


He remains outside, standing still, even after the car Val is in has long disappeared in the distance.

There’s just this… sinking feeling of emptiness.

She’s been there for him since day one when he woke up, had been so patient with him, taken care of all his needs, and… now he requests for things to return to ‘the way they were before’, and she’s not in the picture.

...he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself now. 

Tried to think what is it that he used to do on days like these, but of course he can’t remember. 

Maybe this is all a bad decision. Maybe he should call Val and tell her he’s coming back to live with her in Brooklyn. That’s all the life he knows of now, anyway–

...no, he can’t do that. Can’t rely on her that much. 

Val’s got her own life, her own things to do, after all. She’s got her job, she’s got Irene – she doesn’t really need him to slow her down. 

No backing out now. 

 

“It’s going to be okay.”

Damien smiles as he pats Robert’s back. 

“I know. Val’s gonna be great,” Robert replied – “I shouldn’t worry for her.”

Damien can still tell Robert is sad – well, who wouldn’t be? 

That’s why he’s here, though, to make sure Robert doesn’t dwell on it too much.

“Would you like to come over for some tea?” 

“I mean… sure, but don’t you have work, Damien?”

“That’s not a problem at all. I will be working from home today,” Damien said, “We can go visit the animal shelter if you want later in the day. Mary and I volunteer there.”

“That sounds pretty cool.”

Damien smiles, “That’s where you adopted Betsy, too.”

“Nice,” Robert replied – “Aww, man, now I’m thinking about Betsy. Val said I should focus on my health for now, so she wouldn’t let me bring her back.”

“That is a fair point.”

“I trust her, though. Betsy really seems to like Irene too.”

“That’s amazing!” Damien said as they started walking towards Damien’s house – “Well, maybe now isn’t a good time to get you another dog, but I hope visiting our furry friends will at least make you happier.”

“Yeah, man, for sure.”

 

Damien can’t help but smile as he notices the awe on Robert’s face as he steps into his house. He seems quite impressed with all the Victorian decorations he’s put around the house–

He stops in front of the three pictures Damien has hanging on the wall. 

“So that’s you,” Robert said, pointing correctly at Damien’s picture – “Who’s that?”

“My son, Lucien.”

“Nice,” Robert said with a smile. 

“And your spouse?”

“My wife died a few years ago, unfortunately.”

“Oh…” Robert tenses up noticeably – he certainly didn’t expect this kind of answer, did he? 

“I’m… I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“No, it’s quite alright,” Damien replied – “I do miss her, but having given myself time to mourn have allowed me to cope better with her passing. Death is what we all have in common, after all.”

_ “Robert would’ve died if it weren’t for you, after all.” _

Joseph’s words suddenly flashes across Damien’s mind–

He’s thought that it was rather strange for Joseph to bring it up – was it just a conversation in passing, or is there perhaps more to it?

...anyway, he shouldn’t be thinking about it while Robert’s here. 

 

“You know, Damien,” Robert laughs as he sat on the couch, “Kind of strange that we’re all widowed, huh? You, me, Saul…”

“There are a lot of other dads in this neighborhood who are widowed, too,” Damien replied – “I believe you’ve seen Mat yesterday.”

“The guy from the coffee shop?”

“Yeah. His wife died from a sickness, too,” Damien said – “I do think it’s just a coincidence, though.”

Robert falls silent then, his eyes staring at the vase of flowers in front of him. Damien sits down next to him and watches quietly.

He hasn’t known Robert for  _ that  _ long, but Mary’s told him that Robert’s wife died in a car accident…

That can’t be a pleasant thing to remember. 

He gently wraps his arm around Robert’s shoulder, and Robert flinches slightly, surprised at the sudden contact. Damien pulls away–

“I’m sorry.”

“No, uh… it’s fine,” Robert replied, “I was just… kinda lost in thought.”

“I see.”

“Yeah, uh…” Robert sighs as he scratches his head, “I don’t know if my head’s messed up or something, but my memories kind of come back to me in bits, and I’d just kind of be stuck reliving it for a while…”

“How much do you remember now?”

“I remember my wife,” Robert replied, “Uhh... and the car crash. I really tried not to talk to Val about it, although I dreamt about that a lot. 

“For some reason, I dreamt of Saul, too. That’s really why I came back.” He smiles sheepishly – “But I guess it’d be weird to say that to Saul.”

“I’m sure he’d be happy that you come to remember him.”

“Yeah, Saul’s nice and all, but… I don’t know,” Robert said – “Like, if we were friends, were we like… that close, do you know?”

“I think so,” Damien replied – “Although I suppose your relationship is mostly him taking care of you.”

“Yeah, Barry said that too.”

He thinks back to the time Saul came over, and he showed him that picture of Robert–

Just… the great relief on his face, the intense emotions on his face that he wouldn’t show otherwise.

Sometimes Damien can’t help but wonder if Robert’s noticed Saul’s feelings too, even before he forgot everything. Neither of them are honest about their feelings, after all. 

...maybe that’s a conversation for another day. 

“Would you like some tea?”

“Sure.”

“And please, make yourself at home, Robert,” Damien said as he heads into the kitchen – ”We’ve known each other for a long time, so don’t worry about it.”

“Hey, thanks, man.”

 

They pretty much spend the rest of the day doing their own thing. Damien’s mostly sitting behind his computer, working, while Robert browses through some of the books on his shelf. Some pretty interesting books, although they all seem pretty… intense. 

He can’t help but feel a little bad for hanging around, actually. Damien’s probably too busy with work, and Robert’s not sure if it’s alright for him to hang around. Damien’s house is very nice, though. 

“I think I’m gonna go home for a bit, you know, take a nap,” Robert said – “I know we’re going to the animal shelter later, uh…”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine,” Damien replied – “What time do you think you’d like to go there?”

“Whenever I wake up, I guess?”

“You know, why don’t you just call me when you’re ready to go?” Damien asks, “We can walk there together. It’s not too far away.”

“Sounds good.”

  
  
  


And he’s back home.

It only sinks in now that he’s… alone again. 

He thinks about calling Val to make sure she’s arrive home, but… she might be busy doing her thing, so he decided against it. She did tell him she’s going to go back straight to work after she gets back, since her deadline’s coming up pretty soon. 

He should make himself something to eat, then take a nap or something. He went grocery shopping with Val yesterday, so there should be a lot of food in the fridge–

He gets out some bread and ham, makes a sandwich with it, and puts them in the microwave. Maybe thirty seconds will be enough to warm it up? 

Thirty seconds later – he touches the bread gently, and it feels pretty warm, so maybe that’ll do. He turns to sit down on the couch and turns on the TV…

...Val should have gotten to New York about now, right? It’s not a long train ride. 

He picks up his phone, but no new notifications. He quietly wonders if he should call her…

Maybe he really should’ve stayed at Damien’s place, because at least that way he wouldn’t be feeling lonely. Damien’s a pretty good company. 

 

Suddenly he hears someone knock on the door. He quickly gets up from the couch – who is it, a mailman or something?

He moves to open the door, and when he opens it, Joseph’s standing right outside.

“Hey Joseph.”

“Hey, Robert!” Joseph greets him cheerfully, “I made cookies for you and Val!”

Robert notices then that Joseph is indeed holding a tupperware full of cookies. 

“Oh gosh, thank you so much,” Robert replied – “Unfortunately, Val, uh… already left.”

“She did?”

Robert nods, “She has some urgent deadline coming up. She just left earlier today.”

“I feel bad now, I didn’t even have a chance to see her off!” Joseph sighs, “Well, I guess she has priorities too.

“So I guess you’re back to living alone?”

Robert shrugs, “Back to the way it was, I guess.”

“I can keep you company for a bit, if you’d like.”

“Sure, why not.”

 

Robert decreases the TV volume as they both walk back into the house. Joseph places his tupperware of cookies on the table as he sits down on the couch–

“I know you’ve only been here for a couple days, but what do you think?”

“I mean, I like it so far,” Robert replied, “Finding old friends again. Still trying to find out what’s going on…”

Robert sighs, “Kind of wish Val and Betsy are still here, though.”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about Betsy,” Joseph said – “So is Val going to take care of her now?”

“At least for the time being. She wants me to make sure I’m completely healthy before taking Betsy in.”

“That’s a very wise decision.”

 

They both sit down on the couch. The TV has some kind of reality show going on, but Robert’s lowered the volume they can barely hear anything. Joseph turns to Robert to judge whether he’s actually interested in the TV or if he just… had it on for white noise. 

They did meet yesterday, though only for five minutes and they didn’t really have a chance for any meaningful conversation–

Still, it’s… quite interesting to meet him again, and see how he’s completely become a different person. 

Forgotten everything, huh? 

So this is what Robert’s like before he’s broken down.

Maybe that’s just an unfortunate side effect, or Joseph can probably help jog some memories back…

Maybe not everything’s done for. Things can always go differently – he can put the past behind them, and… try to make it a little better.

 

“But you know, at least you’re back,” Joseph said – “It’s nice to have you back.”

“Thanks, man,” Robert said with a smile, “Can’t wait for things to… go back the way they were before.”

“Of course.

Joseph leans over, and presses a kiss against Robert’s lips. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back on MY bullshit   
> merry almost new year everybody i was Slammed with finals, went through a week long writers block, and here we are

_ “...hello?” _

“Hey, Robert,” Saul replied, “Sorry I didn’t pick up your call, I was in a meeting.”

_ “...that’s fine. Sorry I suddenly called you like that.” _

“Do you need anything?”

_ “I’m fine, I guess.” _

Saul can’t really tell, now that Robert’s changed pretty drastically. Still, he must have called for a reason. Also, considering the way Robert was before, his habit of pretending that everything is fine probably persists.

“Was it an emergency? Did something happen?”

There’s a brief pause before Robert replies, no. 

_ “I’m with Damien now. I took a nap and now we’re, uh, going to the animal shelter.” _

“I see. That’s nice.”

_ “How’s, uh, your day going?” _

“It’s going alright. Been pretty busy with meetings and other stuff,” Saul replied, “You did anything fun today?”

_ “Well, we’re going to the animal shelter now, so that’s something, I guess.” _

“That’s good.”

There’s a brief silence on the line, but Saul waits patiently. Sometimes Robert doesn’t need that extra nudge before he speaks up, just... some time. 

_ “Hey, Saul? Do you think we can meet later?” _

“Of course. I’ll come to your house after I get off work, how does that sound?”

_ “Perfect. See you later.” _

Robert hangs up then. 

  
  


Robert’s sitting outside of his porch by the time Saul gets there. He was looking around the neighborhood, but Saul’s car driving closer immediately gets his attention. 

“Hey there,” Robert greets him, “How’s it going, Saul?”

“I guess I’m fine,” Saul replies – “You okay, though?”

“Yeah, for sure.”

Saul looks closely at Robert’s face – 

He seems… a little uneasy, for some reason, or maybe Saul’s overthinking it. 

“How are the dogs?”

“They’re cute, I guess,” Robert replied – “I might get another one later, though. Old Betsy would probably like a company.”

“That would be nice.”

“How about you, Saul? Barry told me he wants a dog.”

Saul sighs, “Yeah, he told me. I’ll think about it.”

“How about this,” Robert said, petting his shoulder – “You adopt the dog, I’ll take care of it. Barry can visit and help me out too, what do you think?”

Saul shrugs as he opens the door to the passenger seat, “I’ll think about it, I guess.”

 

They both get inside the house, and it’s silent for a bit as Saul starts up the car and lights a cigarette.

“Do you have anywhere in particular that you want to go to?” Saul asks – “Have you eaten dinner?”

“Not yet.”

“Anywhere you wanna go, then?” 

“I don’t know,” Robert sighs, “Can we just get McDonald’s and call it a day?”

“Sure.”

Robert sighs as he looks out of the window. Saul observes him quietly – 

He doesn’t really feel like he should ask right now, but Robert does seem a little distressed. Did something happen?

“You know, something kinda funny happened today,” Robert started, “Uh… you know, Joseph came to visit earlier.”

That definitely doesn’t make Saul feel concerned at all. 

“Okay.”

“I don’t know, it’s kind of weird, but he kissed me.”

“What?”

“Yeah, uh…” Robert chuckles nervously, “It was... kinda weird.”

At this point Saul just feels… the blood rushing to his head, anger. 

What the fuck is Joseph trying to do now? Has he not done enough damage?

He’d love to just go up to Joseph, hit him in the head a couple times, and tell him to fuck off. Heck, he can actually do it right now, they haven’t gone that far from the cul-de-sac. 

“So, you know, I just asked him why he did that, cause it’s weird, you know?” Robert went on – “And he said we used to be in a relationship or something–”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, okay, thank god,” Robert sighs in relief – “It was awkward seeing Mary after that conversation.”

“You shouldn’t think too much about it,” Saul said. 

“But there really wasn’t anything like, between me and Joseph?”

Saul shakes his head, and Robert smiles in relief. 

“That’s good to know.”

“I guess he thought you guys had something going, but that’s not the case,” Saul said, “Just… ignore him.”

Maybe Robert will start to remember things about the past and accuse Saul of lying, but… anything to keep Robert away from that side, from remembering whatever pained him in the first place. 

“I mean, isn’t it kind of weird? He’s married after all.”

“Right,” Saul said – at this point he just desperately wants to change the subject to…. something else. Even the mere thought of Joseph makes him sick. 

They soon arrive at McDonald’s, though, and quickly come into the drive through. 

“You know what you want, Robert?”

“Just a big mac, I guess.”

_ “Welcome to McDonald’s,”  _ the static radio voice screeched,  _ “What can I get you today?” _

“Three big macs with the fries and drinks, please.”

Robert seems surprised at this order, so Saul whispers to him, “One more for Barry.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”

“I’m kidding,” Saul whispers, “It’s for me.”

Robert’s eyes widens slightly in mix of surprise and horror. 

“Anyway,” Saul said as he joins the line by the window, “Why don’t you stay over at my place?”

Especially after knowing what Joseph tried to do, Saul just… doesn’t quite feel safe leaving Robert alone at home. Who knows what Joseph is going to try to do now? 

“I mean, why not,” Robert said, “I don’t have anything going on at home anyway.”

“You can watch a movie with Barry or something,” Saul suggests, “You used to be like, really into movies. You’d go on and on about why a certain movie is good or bad, like, story wise or whatever.”

“Really?”

“Mostly when you were drunk,” Saul replies, “Sometimes when sober, too.”

“Yeah, I used to drink a lot, didn’t I?” 

Saul nods, and Robert smiles sadly. 

“I mean, I can kinda see why Val didn’t want to tell me that,” he said, “She really tried to make me feel good the whole time I stayed with her.”

“You are a good person, Robert,” Saul said, “I mean, you guys may not have gotten along too well in the past, but that happens with kids, I guess, right?”

“I guess,” Robert sighs, “I mean, we get along better now, I think.”

“There you go.”

“But look at you, Saul, you’re like… perfect,” Robert sighs, “You get along well with your son, you’re good at your job…”

“Well, you’re good at lots of things, too,” Saul said. 

Finally it’s their turn – Saul pays and picks up his order from the window. 

 

Barry’s watching TV as Saul and Robert steps into the house. He looks up from his phone and smiles.

“Hey pops,” he greets, “Oh, Robert’s here too.”

“Got you some food,” Saul said as he hands Barry a pack of food, “You did all your schoolwork?”

“Boutta do them now,” Barry said, “After I finish this episode, I guess.”

“Robert’s gonna stay over tonight, okay?”

“Oh, nice!” Barry scoots aside and pets the seat next to him, “Come on, Robert, you’ll love this one!”

“What’s this movie about?”

“Not a movie, just a TV show,” Barry said, “You probably won’t understand anything since this is like, the second season, but it’s basically about this girl who went through human experimentation and became really strong or something, but she escaped the lab.”

He points at one of the characters on the screen, “See, that one.”

“Kinda cute.”

“Let me finish watching this episode, but you should start from the beginning,” Barry said, “It’s really good! And also you like cryptids and all that, right? This movie has pretty cool monsters.”

They both fall silent again as they continue to focus on the movie. Saul lays all his things on the dinner table while he watches them watch the movie–

“It’s not too violent, right, Barry?”

“Come on, pops, stop worrying so much, I’m not scared,” Barry sighs, “Like, this movie isn’t even that scary.”

“Why does that boy have a bat with nails, then?”

“He’s a nice guy, pops, trust me,” Barry explains, “He’s like babysitting. Making sure none of the other kids like, get killed or something.”

“We need more of those nowadays,” Robert jokes, and Barry nods in agreement. 

Saul just watches them quietly. See – this is a nice arrangement. Robert just enjoying himself, hanging out. There’s no need for him to do anything weird or be forced into like… gosh, Saul doesn’t even know. Sometimes the cult thing sounds so crazy he questions himself whether it’s all real or if his detective mind has truly gone too far this time.

...still, if even he can’t believe the whole cult thing – and he’s been the one investigating it for the longest time, ever since Bella died…

Then nobody else is going to believe him. Nobody else is going to do anything. 

It does sound ridiculous, alright. A cult? Here in Maple Bay? And that’s why all the single dads are living in the cul-de-sac? Come on, Saul. 

Nobody’s going to believe something like that.

He sighs as he looks down on the case files he’s brought home. 

Nobody’s going to do anything, unless he… comes back with some concrete evidence, or something. He’s been a detective long enough, he knows how this works, instinct doesn’t mean anything…

Nothing’s going to be done, unless he does it himself, huh. 

  
  
  
  
  



	20. Hard to define

He’s standing on the edge of a cliff.

It faces to the open sea. The cold air brushes past him, gently caressing his hair.

The faint smell of fishiness grazes past him, the particles of seawater in the air emanate an almost salty smell.

The sun looks pretty from here. It’s setting slowly, over there in the horizon. The sun is a deep orange, while the sky around is dyed red, and slowly, as he looks up, it slowly transitions into the deep dark blue of the night sky.

It’s nice and peaceful like this.

He hasn’t been in the beach for a long time. It’s kind of unfortunate that the sea is so far below him – maybe there’s a way to get there, steps or stairs or something, but he doesn’t really see it.

Sometimes, though, when standing in a place that overlooks everything like this, a little part of his brain just… tells him to jump.

He knows it’s an unreasonable thought, of course. He’d die – either he’d hit his head on some rocks on the way down, or he’d fall so hard he dies at his first contact with the water, or he’d actually fall into the sea, and drown slowly.

Isn’t it strange;the brain be most focused on self-preservation, and yet he still has intrusive thoughts like this, just because he happens to be standing on a cliff. There is absolutely no reason to jump at all, and yet his brain still presents it to him as a real possibility, as something he should perhaps do.

 

As he looks down to the water, he can see… something floating in the water.

He can’t quite tell what it is from his far up. A piece of wood? Maybe some dead fish? Or worse yet, a human?

He watches as it slowly drifts, seemingly staying in one place at first, just the waves slowly rocking it back and forth, but staying in one spot in equilibrium – but then the waves coming out towards the sea seems to grow stronger, thus pushing the thing outwards, away to the sea.

He considers going down there and reaching out, maybe he’ll retrieve it. He still sees no way to reach the bottom of the cliff, though. Maybe there are stairs leading to the beach, hidden somewhere down there.

He just stands there, watching helplessly as the waves slowly drag the thing into the open sea.

 

He hears something rustle behind him, so he turns around.

The shadow again, coming at him from between the trees.

Saul… ran with him across the forest, helped him escape this same exact shadow before he disappeared. And then the shadow didn’t chase him anymore, and… maybe he wandered around the forest, far enough to end up here, on this cliff facing the sea.

He should’ve known it wasn’t that easy, escaping the shadow. He thinks about backing away from the shadow, but his mind reminds him that it’s just the cliff behind him, and then… no more footing, and just the open sea. The shadow’s got him cornered, basically.

Saul. Where’s Saul? Did he get away?

 

“You’re mine now.”

The low growl came from somewhere – maybe the shadow, maybe not. He can’t really tell, he just slowly steps backwards–

The shadow suddenly reaches out to him and grabs him by the neck. He’s not suffocating, but he feels like he’s… being dragged towards the shadow.

He can’t really tell what’s going to happen now. The shadow – is it going to eat him?

“I’m not letting you die again this time.”

“Saul,” he gasps, “Saul, Saul, what happened to him?”

  
  


Robert wakes up with a start.

He’s still sitting on the couch, and the first thing he sees as he opens his eyes is the prompt on the TV screen – “Are you still watching?” Seems like he can choose between yes and no.

He must’ve fallen asleep while watching TV. Given the show’s subject, it’s probably not surprising he had a dream like that…

Maybe he should call it a day, turn off the TV and go to sleep. What time is it anyway? He feels his hands around for the remote–

“You should sleep,” he hears Saul say, and he almost jumps in surprise.

Saul bends down and gets the remote, turning off the TV.

“Sorry,” Robert sighs, “Was I asleep for long?”

“I don’t know,” Saul replied, “It’s okay. You had a pretty long day today, didn’t you?”

“What about you?” Robert asks, “What time is it anyway? Why aren’t you asleep?”

“It’s almost 1 AM. I’m just doing some work; things that need to be done by tomorrow morning,” Saul replied, “I think I’m going to be up a while. You can use my bed.”

“What about you, though?”

“I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

“No, no,” Robert said as he gets up, “You shouldn’t overwork yourself like that, Saul. Come on, you should go to bed too.”

“I’m fine,” Saul replied, “I’m pretty used to this.”

“Well, it’s not good for you,” Robert insists – he grabs Saul by his arm and drags him to his room, “Come on. I’ll even sleep with you in your room if you want to.”

 

Saul seems… clearly pretty reluctant, but he doesn’t really say anything as Robert drags him into his own room and makes him sit on the bed.

“Is this your side of the bed?”

“I mean, I don’t mind either way,” Saul replied – ”Robert, I appreciate your concern, but just…”

“You can continue your work tomorrow, Saul, it’s pretty late, okay?” Robert replied – “You look really tired, man, you should rest.”

“Robert–”

“Anyway,” Robert laid down next to Saul on the bed, “You wouldn’t mind sharing the bed with me, I hope?”

Saul stares at him in silence for a while, as if he’s thinking of all the ways he can ask Robert to leave or ask to continue his work…

He just sighs in resignation, though, and nods.

“I guess tonight can be an exception,” he said as he gets up, “Let me brush my teeth, okay?”

“You’d better be back here in less than five minutes, big boy,” Robert said, “Don’t leave me hanging.”

“Got you, old man.”

And so Saul leaves the room.

As Robert lay there on the bed, it suddenly dawns on him how ridiculous this request must seem to Saul. Yeah, maybe they were friends before, but right now, Robert’s… kind of just a stranger, right? It must be awkward for Saul to have him ask to sleep on the same bed.

Maybe it’d be a good time to backtrack and offer to sleep on the couch, and let Saul have the whole bed. He can still make sure Saul doesn’t leave the room, which would mean he doesn’t continue working–

He also realizes he’s never been in this room before, since Saul made him stay in Barry’s bedroom last time. Saul’s room is roughly the same size with Barry’s, but it smells… really nice. Whatever perfume Saul uses, Robert’s... kinda into it.

His eyes inevitably lay on the family photo Saul has above his drawer. Robert gets up to take a closer look–

This must be Saul and his wife.

She has a big smile on her face in this picture, and she’s got her arms around Saul’s waist. Saul looks… a lot younger in this picture. The scar on his left eye is there, but he doesn’t look as tired, and he doesn’t have any facial hair. Hey, he really looks baby-faced without the beard.

He hears the door open again – that must be Saul reentering the room. Robert turns around to greet him–

“Hey, what happened to your wife, by the way?”

“Oh, that…” Saul sighs, “I don’t know. They ruled her death as an accident, but I don’t think so.”

“I see…”

Robert places the picture back where it belongs.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked,” he said, “Sorry about that, man.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Saul replied, “It happened a long time ago anyway.”

“So you don’t mind talking about it?”

“If anyone can understand, it would probably be you,” Saul replied as he lay down on the bed, “You lost your wife, too.”

“That’s true.”

 

Thinks about that dream again, with Marilyn sitting next to him.

He, too, had to watch as the life slowly drains from her eyes, her body.

He couldn’t help her either, couldn’t do anything to save her.

 

“Anyway.”

Saul turns off the light, and Robert can feel Saul’s weight shifting on the bed.

“You’re not going to sleep?” Saul asks, “You forced me to stop working.”

“Of course I am,” Robert replied as he laid down on the bed.

Oh shit, they’re… really close to each other. Robert can feel Saul’s body brushing against his, their warmth pressed against each other, it… immediately feels like too much. He’s always had his own bed the whole time – back in the hospital, back in Val’s apartment, back in his own house.

...it feels nice, though. He’s not going to complain.

 

He feels Saul’s arm wrap around his body, and he feels his heart race.

He can’t really see in this dark whether or not Saul’s already asleep. Would it be rude to ask him to, just, uh, move his arm a little? It is nice and warm, just a little awkward…

“You mind?”

“No,” Robert replied, and… actually doesn’t regret it.

Saul falls silent after then. Maybe he’s drifting off to sleep – best for Robert to not bother him.

He must be tired from all the work he’s been doing. Ever since they met, Robert can’ really think of any instances where Saul doesn’t look tired…

He can hear Saul’s breathing in the dark, can see the outline of his body as his chest rises and falls rhythmically. Feels Saul’s warmth wrapped around his body, even if awkwardly.

He wants to… touch Saul.

Hug him back, maybe. Or would that be weird?

He gently raised his hand and lightly touches Saul’s arm. He doesn’t seem to react, so Robert rests his hand there.

...shit, Saul may be falling asleep, but now Robert finds himself too nervous to even sleep. Why is his heart beating so quickly anyway? This is just a casual sleepover–

 

...thinking about everything that led to this moment, it wouldn’t have happened had Robert not called Saul to tell him about what Joseph did.

It felt wrong when Joseph kissed him earlier today, but now with Saul, everything just feels… right, for some reason.

He’s warm and comfortable, and safe, here in Saul’s arms.

  
  


 


End file.
